Sincerely yours, Ellie. #Wattys2018

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Hindi ko alam kung bakit wala pa sa wisyo si Zalem na paalisin ako sa bahay niya. Ano pa bang gagawin ko dito? Magmukmok? Paulit-ulit panoorin yung buong nilalaman ng shelves niya sa theater room?

"It's for your own safety, Ellie." Aniya noong isang araw na tinanong ko siya.

Safety for what? Sa pagkakaalam ko, sila ang mga taong dapat iniiwasan at nilalabanan kasi mga kidnapper sila at mga black market businessmen. Sa ilang linggong pananatili ko rito, alam kong may sinasalihan din silang mga iligal na drag race at mga underground battle ng mga atletang hindi pinalad sa Olympics.

Kamusta na kaya si daddy at Aura? Does he still walk strong and authorative? How about Freon? How about his cakes and dishes?

"You won't get over them when you keep on thinking about them." Lumingon ako sa pinanggagalingan ng boses na iyon.

"Are you some kind of mind-reader?" Tinapat ko ang remote sa tv tsaka naghanap ng matinong papanoorin. Lumubog naman ang sofa sa tabi ko, causing me to lean more to his side.

"Stop staring."

"What if.. you're inside a book, and your life is just a bunch of chapters and typos created by an author who's currently messed up just like you? What if she/he created you for him or her to escape from the reality?" That's an interesting question.

"Well, she or he isn't doing his or her job well. My life is just miserable as my author's if it would be true."

"Your life isn't miserable. It's just a series of mishaps and wrong decisions. Your life is the epitome of regret and sorrow."

"What do you know about my life, Zalem, when all you did was to promise me and then leave like a leaf blown by the wind? What do you know about regrets and sorrow?" Tumayo ako at humarap sa kanya, towering him and feeling frustrated.

"All I did for you, is to save you from that life. Have you ever wonder why your stepdad isn't here yet, when he has all the connections to the government securities?"

"Anong... anong ibig mong sabihin?"

Ano na naman ba itong bagong rebelasyon sa buhay ko? Kailan ba to matatapos?

"Mr. Montealegre is my godfather, Ellie. It was 10 years ago, feels like yesternight, when I begged him to sue your parents and your brother. Wala akong matibay na hint man lang para maniwala sila sa akin so we came to see you, at buti na lamang ay nakita ka naming gumugulong sa bangin pababa sa kalsadang tinatahak namin. I was there, Ellie. I was there in the trial of the 3 persons who ruined your life, begging for me and your stepdad to set them free. I fulfilled my promise, Ellie."

Buong akala ko, hindi na gumalaw pa si daddy para hanapin ang pamilya ko. Yun pala'y nahanap at nakulong na. Akala ko habambuhay akong matatakot na taguan sila kahit saan man ako makarating. Akala ko... akala ko wala nang direksyon ang buhay ko sa kakatakas mula sa nakaraan. But I was long-time free.. because of Zalem.

Dadating rin pala ang buhay mo sa puntong hindi mo na masasabi ang nararamdaman mo, kaya maiiyak ka na lang at ngingiti, kasi tapos na.

"It's over now, Ellie. Hush now." Pinaupo niya ako sa sofa pero masyado yata ako nanghihina kaya napahiga na lamang ako. He scooped me from the back and all feels okay.

Okay? Am I really okay?

I was strolling around Zalem's library when Poti peeked at the door.

"Ma'am! Hello po, hehe." Aniya

I smiled at him and continued scanning books. Naramdaman niya rin sigurong hindi ako nasa wisyo ngayon kaya hinayaan na lang niya ako't nanahimik.

Then suddenly, I found a book that caught my attention. Slowly, I walked towards it as it clears all the thoughts in my mind and as I stare at it.

Impit na sigaw ang nilalabas ko sa bawat hampas ng makapal na kahoy at sa kawayan na sabay sinasalubong saakin. Impyerno? Hindi. Ito ang mundo ko.

Hindi! Totoo si Aidan, alam ko iyon!

"Elliot should be killed!"
"No, the main character stays alive."
"She's starting to know something about your existence.."
"Ellie? Ellie, are you okay?!"
"Ser, bigla na lang po syang tumumba!"
"Fuck, she's not breathing!"

Napabalikwas ako ng di ko namamalayan.

"ELLIOT!" Napatingin ako kay Zalem na hinihingal at mahigpit na hinahawakan yung kamay ko.

"Paano kung totoo nga yung sinasabi mo, Zalem? Na gawa lang ako ng isang tao na labas sa mundong ito? Paano kung nangyayari nga iyon ngayon?"

"What--what are you talking about, Ellie? You... you were dead! You weren't breathing! Fuck!"

"I'm fine. I just can't remember some...things." Sagot ko.

"Come on, you need to rest. I need to calm the fuck down. Don't scare me like that." Hinayaan ko siyang buhatin ako at dalhin sa kwarto ko.

Nang mahiga ako, "Zalem, where did you get that book I stared at earlier?"

"Huh? What book?" Aniya habang inaayusan ako ng kumot.

"It was an empty and strange book on your coffee table in your library." Pili kong inaalala yung nangyari sa akin pero lahat yun ay malabo at ang tanging naaalala ko lang ay yung pagtitig ko sa librong iyon.

"There's no such thing as empty book, Ellie. You're just overthinking. Nagjo-joke lang naman ako."

Siguro nga, guni-guni ko lang iyon.

But as the dawn shows up by the window, my thoughts wandered in those familiar voices like I've heard before. I remembered Poti and Zalem's voices but... how about the first ones?

How about the words printed in the book? It was blurred in my mind like it was purposely erased. Like an amnesia, except with doubts.

From that day on, I questioned my existence. Every food I take or every sleep I make, is it really real?

Who am I? If Zalem's joke is real, then what would be my fate?