Sound Of Madness (a Ronnie Radke fanfiction) •EDITING**

never too late

"Reya..." "Reya..." "Reya..." Ronnie stood beside my bed poking my face.

"WHAT?!" I finally yelled.

"You don't need to be mean. I was just waking you up, breakfast is ready."

"Great" I mumbled under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing"

"I thought I heard you say something..."

"Uh-n-no...It's nothing."

Ronnie sighed and walked out of my room. I need to talk about my problems, then maybe I wont have them. I need to be able to talk to Ronnie and not be uncomfortable doing so. Why am I so awkward?

I walked down to the kitchen and sat down at the table where a plate was and picked at the food. At least nobody noticed, yet. I pretended to eat my food and got away with it.

I trudged back up to my room to put on real clothes and tackle the monster I call my hair. Once that was done I went back into my room. I lay down on the floor and looked up at the ceiling. "This has got to stop, life should be sunshine and daisies" I sighed, talking to myself again I see.

Andie appeared on my bed. She does that sometimes. I can see her, I know she isn't alive but that doesn't mean she isn't there. She pops up every now and then.

"What's with the moping emo teenager today?"

"Everything."

"Typical answer,though I don't see how this is so bad. You just got adopted, you have a family."

"Nothing feels right, this isn't normal I can't call this my family, when I do I remember that nobody ever wanted me."

"There are people a lot worse off than you, child."

"Yeah, I know."

I got up of the floor and she disappeared, right as Ronnie walked in. I walked over to my desk and grabbed my notebook and a pen. I started writing , a long list of things that are wrong with me and fucked up things I've done; just to lay it all out for him.

"I need help, I have problems that I don't talk about, that are too hard to talk about. My mother never loved me, she says my father left to pursue the dream of having a successful band when I was three, I never knew him, well, never remembered him because of that. When I was four my mother tried to drown me. at the time I was completely aware of her actions and actually told her to her face that she was going to hell, then I told my preschool teacher what was going on. I was immediately taken out of her care and put in a children's home. There I was tormented and bullied, even by the lady who owns the place. Having no friends, being emotionally and physically abused lead to other problems. I couldn't talk to anyone, I was too afraid. I would go out into the middle of the parking lot in the middle of the night and scream my head off and cry. Nothing was the way it should have been. Screaming wasn't enough to get rid of all the thoughts and emotion that whirled around in my head, so I took a blade to my skin. My legs, stomach, arms. All of the comments were literally carved into my skin. fat.as.s, bit.ch, emo, worthless, never good enough, your mom hates you, your parents never wanted you, mistake, ugly, cutter, I wouldn't even get out of bed some days. Not for school or interviews. I'd cry myself to sleep and then eventually stopped fighting them. I stopped fighting against the demons I have to face everyday and started to listen to them and understand them. I believed them. Not even the screaming, cutting or even singing and writing helped me be able to ignore the people trying to pull me down into their holes with them. the next thing I did was the biggest mistake I could have ever made, I started popping pills. Finally able to ignore the words and feel the emptiness I felt worthy of.

Ronnie I need help , I need your help. I do want to stop all of these things they are horrible I know and I will give them all up. Letting out the anger and sadness I hold within my mind with a razor blade doesn't fix anything, it never did and it never will because the depressed Reya is still stuck inside. under her you might still find the other, happy Reya, just a little bit. I need to let her back out but she is locked away to tight for me to get her out."

By the end I had tears rolling down my face. all of that is true, every single word of it.

I took a picture of me, my mom, and my dad out of my desk drawer and put it in as a book mark for that page and handed it to Ronnie. He read every single word then looked at the picture. There were tears in his eyes and his mouth was hanging open.

"Reya I takes a lot to actually admit all of that to someone, especially someone that you barley know, thank you. I will do what ever it takes to help you no matter how hard it is."

I walked over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I took out the a bottle and the black box with razor blades in it. I handed them to Ronnie. "Get rid of these then" I said and fell down on my bed in tears. Not in a million year did I imagine that things could get better.