Sound Of Madness (a Ronnie Radke fanfiction) •EDITING**

just another soul

 I looked at Jacky. I could see sadness in his eyes, I never saw that before.

I hugged him and he didn't hug me back. I sighed.

"what's wrong?"

"is something wrong?"

"why would you think that?"

'I just want everyone to stop caring"

"oh"

"why would you write that?"

"because  that's how I feel''

"are you still depressed?"

"honestly I don't want to get out of bed"

he sighed and we kept walking home. I walked in the door and saw max and Ronnie sitting on the couch.

"never thought I would see you sitting there" I said and walked into the kitchen to get a drink.

I walked back into the living room and jumped down on the couch next to max, he looked at me like I had two heads.

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"who are you?"

"reya!" I exclaimed and stuck my hand out.

"hi..." he said and awkwardly didn't shake my hand. I pulled my hand back then looked at Ronnie, who just shrugged.

"max this is my daughter"

"but I thought your daughter was like one" Ronnie shook his head and took a drink out of the cup. he leaned over and whispered in max's ear.

"uh yah I think I remember...is that really her?"

Ronnie nodded his head.

"what the fuck are you talking about?"

"nothing" Ronnie quickly said.

"secrets don't make friends" I said in a creepy voice and walked to my room.

I turned on my speakers and "not the American average" by asking Alexandria blasted out, I'm sure you could have heard every lyric from the living room.

I opened the door and ran down to the kitchen to get my glass from earlier.

"why are you listening to that song?" max asked me

"because I'm fourteen which means it's funny to me even if I am disgusted by the lyrics" max laughed at my answer.

my phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. "ANDIE" I read the screen and dropped my phone and glass. the glass shattered and let the water spill on the floor. I was frozen, I forgot about her. two  years ago I found her dead in my room.

I had tears running down my face, standing completely still, glass surrounding me and water all over to the floor. inside I was screaming and breaking into little pieces like the glass that is at my feet.

 I bent down, picked up a tiny shard of the glass, walked to the kitchen , sliced it across my arm, threw it away and walked back out with blood dripping off my finger tips. then again until all the glass was gone. Ronnie didn't notice until I picked up my phone in my bloody hands and threw it as hard as I could against the fire place and walked up the stairs, dripping blood on every single one on the way up.

 I sat at the top step and leaned against the wall.  Ronnie ran up the stairs and stared at me in shock.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?!" he yelled at me and Max ran up the stairs and stood behind Ronnie, staring at my arms. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I rinsed the blood off my arms and stopped the bleeding. I waved at Ronnie and walked back to my room.

I closed the door and walked over to my speakers, I switched the song to lost in stereo by all time low. I went over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I opened my jewelry box and quickly swallowed the last two pills. the door opened and I slammed the drawer shut and looked over at Ronnie with an innocent face.

"what did you do reyalyn!" he asked with tears in his eyes, panicking.

"do you know what today is?"

"what?!" he asked, almost begging me to tell him what the fuck I'm doing.

"the second year anniversary of andie's suicide, I had forgotten until the reminder I  set on my phone went off"

Ronnie sighed and walked over to me. he picked up my arms and looked at all the cuts from the glass. he drooped my arms and hugged me.

I started to fell light headed and feel the affects of the pills, something I haven't felt for over 200 days.

Ronnie tilted my head up and looked in my eyes. "what did you take?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"you do to know! what the fuck did you take?! I got rid of the bottles you gave me where did you get them?"  Ronnie got mad and I took a step back I was afraid he would hit me. I backed up a few more steps into the corner and shielded my head with my arms.

"RONNIE STOP!!!" I heard max yell and Ronnie walked out of my room, slamming the door shut in the process. I slid down the wall and let the tears I had been holding in roll down my face. I let my knees slide down and I let the breath I was holding out of my lungs.

I went numb and stared at the door until it opened. max walked in and I still stared down at the bottom of the door. he sighed and sat down next to me. only then did my head turn to look at him.

"why did you do that?"

"I have no fucking clue, even you should no that no matter how long ago you got sober that if the pills are still there you cant fight the temptation for very long"

"that is just common sense, if the flame is still there the fire will keep burning"

I nodded.

"now it doesn't feel the same as it did before. guilt, anger and disappointment"

"it wont"

"I know I just want to be clean right now and I'm not"

"it sucks but eventually you'll lose it and be sober. just promise me reya don't do it again, don't take anything else. don't do anymore drugs"

"all I do is break my promises" I said and started picking at my arms. max pulled my hand away rom my arm."I mean look at this! and I did it on my stomach and legs too! I promised Ronnie and Jacky that I'd stop and I didn't."

'well you can try not to do drugs right" I nodded and max got up and left my room.

 I got up and went over to the window. I opened it and climbed out onto the roof. I looked around and then over to Jacky's house i saw him on his bed he had a bottle of pills in one hand and a knife in the other.