Broken Charms

Falling Apart In Montreal: Part Two

“I'd found heaven and grabbed it as tightly as I could, but it was unraveling, an insubstantial thread sliding between my fingers, too fine to hold.”

― Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver

---Harry---

I felt dirty after that incident with Daniel, like I’d been complicit in a crime. I was reminded so acutely of my life before, that I could feel my thoughts slipping away to protect me. I wasn’t the only one, apparently: Astrid seemed lost in thought too.

At the hotel we order tacos and I taught her he best way to eat them as if my life depended on it, something about the way Daniel had warned me about the possibility of Astrid getting hurt tonight made every second I spent with her feel like the last one. Then I left her watching T.V. as I went to shower, to scrub the memories of me, to remind myself that, for now, she was still with me. Would I live with myself if I knew that my idea had gotten her injured tonight?  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in there when I heard the bathroom door open and close.

“This is good,” Astrid said. The closed toilet lid creaked as she tried to find a way to make it a comfortable seat.

“Good job, Harry.”

I couldn’t see her, but I could smell the tacos. I was oddly discomforted by the knowledge that she was in the room while I was standing there under the running water. Somehow taking a shower with her in the room was more intimate than sex. I felt about one thousand times more naked, even behind the dark shower curtain. I looked at the bar of soap in my hand. I applied it to my ribs.

 “Thanks.” Astrid was quiet, inches away on the other side of the curtain. I couldn’t see her, so she couldn’t see me.

“Are you all clean in there?” Astrid asked.

“Oh my God, Angel.” I replied, and she laughed. There was another pause. I washed between my fingers. One of my fingernails was battered from rubbing against a guitar string. I studied it to see if I needed to do something about it; it was hard to properly diagnose it in the orange half-light provided by the shower curtain.

“Niall said that Anne would be better tomorrow” Grace said.

“That’s great.”

“Are you nervous? About tonight, I mean.” I asked her. I was nervous, and I wasn’t even dancing.

“I don’t know. Maybe. There was no other way though. it has to happen.” She stopped. There was a long space full of nothing but the water hitting me and the tile. She said, “This food is excellent.” I got it. Subject change.

 “My mum taught me how to make it.”

“What a talented woman. Speaks with a British accent and makes tacos.” On the other side, she poked the shower curtain; when it touched my bare hip, I shied away in an undignified fashion.

“You know, this could be us, in five years.” I had no body parts left to clean. I was a prisoner in the shower unless I could reach my towel from behind the curtain or persuade Astrid to hand it to me. I didn’t think she would hand it to me.

“Making tacos with a British accent?” I suggested.

“That’s exactly what I meant,” she said. I heard the withering tone in her voice. I was glad to hear it. I could use levity at the moment.

“Will you give me my towel?”

“You have to come and get it.”

“Vixen,” I muttered. There was hot water left. I stood in it and looked at the uneven grout on the tiles under the showerhead. My fingers were getting pruny and the hair on my legs had stuck together to form soaked, matted arrows toward my feet.

“Harry?” Astrid said. “Do you think that we’re meant to be?” This was too hard of a question to answer after Daniel’s warning. Yes, I wanted her forever. I had risked everything for this. We deserved to be together. But how could I have a normal life without her? I didn’t know what to tell her. I wanted to promise her that we would be together forever but her tone implied that even the question was extremely cheesy she was deadly. I want to tell her yes but I wanted to be sure of it first. Oh! Fuck it! I owed her a smile and I was going to give her one.

“Yes. I’m sure of it.” I said firmly. Just her face was visible at the end of the shower curtain, looking in at me. She grinned and I yelled. Astrid reached in just far enough to shut off the tap.

“I’m afraid,” she said, whipping the shower curtain open all the way and presenting me with my towel, “This is the sort of thing you’ll have to put up with in your old age.” I stood there, dripping, feeling utterly ridiculous, Astrid standing opposite, smiling with her challenge. There was nothing for it but to get over the awkwardness. Instead of taking the towel, I took her chin with my wet fingers and kissed her. Water from my hair ran down my cheeks and onto our lips. I was getting her shirt all wet, but she didn’t seem to mind. A lifetime of this seemed rather appealing.

 I said gallantly, “That better be a promise.” Astrid stepped into the shower in her sock feet and wrapped her arms around my damp chest. “It’s a guarantee.”

---Astrid---

Okay! It’s show time. The crowd was roaring from the stage I was about to step. I could do this. I could do this. My eyes searched for Harry and I found him talking to his phone a few meters away. I smiled at him and he smiled back. We just stared at each other him talking to the phone and me trying to stretch my legs one more time.

“Okay, guys. It’s show time.” Daniel started counting down the seconds. I turned to Harry and mouthed ‘I love you’ to him. He smiled and mouthed ‘I love you’ back at me. That was all I needed. I knew I could do this.

“Now.” Daniel shouted and I started climbing up the stairs to the stage, ready for the night of my life.