Broken Charms

Giving Up

what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”

― Charles Bukowski

Astrid

London.

“Okay, so I need you to sign here and here.”  The secretary told me pointing to the corners of the paper. I did as I was told signing whatever paper she handed me in order to be finally free from my dancing studies. I was sitting in front of her desk for over an hour now and I had lost count of how many papers I’ve signed.

“Thank you and one last here.” she said pointing to the last paper. When I was done, she took the paper back and smiled at me.

“You can go now. The certificate that you are no longer studying here would be sent to you in about two months. Within those months you can cancel your resign at any moment.”

“Great, thank you.” I said getting up to leave.

“Ms. Williams, I hope you do change your mind, you had a brilliant future here and you really deserved the scholarship. it would be a waste to through all that away for a small injury.”

“Thank you for the advice. Now if you’ll excuse me, I better go.” I said finally finding the courage to get out of this god forsaken office. All that time I was sitting there while she was preparing my papers she kept telling why I shouldn’t quit and it really pissed me off. It was my life and I would do whatever I wanted with it.

“Astrid.” I heard Mrs. Jones’ voice from behind me. I turned.

“You did it, didn’t you?” she asked sounding like she already knew the answer.

“I’m sorry I failed you, Mrs. Jones. I know you believed in me.”

“I still believe in you that you made your right choice for yourself and even if the means dropping off I respect it. But I really wished you hadn’t done it. You were such a great dancer; you still are even if you are a little broken.” She said encouragingly. I looked up and met her eyes.  She was looking back at me in a motherly way.  I nodded not being able to speak, my throat felt too thick those days. She wrapped my arms around her and hugged me tightly. I did the same finally letting go.

All those days after returning from Edinburgh I kept thinking what I should do, when I finally found the courage to just go and drop out. It was a week full of goodbyes. I met with my friends who were still in London and told them what I was going to do. They were all so surprised and kept telling me that we should definitely keep in touch even they knew that from now on we had almost nothing in common. So I said goodbye to all of them and now I was here in the academy walking in those halls for the last time.

Mrs. Jones was favorite teacher and that was the main reason I could say goodbye to her. She let go of me too soon and when she saw my moist eyes and she smiled sympathetically at me.

“Don’t worry, Astrid, you can still change your mind if you want to. But even if you not, I bet you are going to be as perfect as you were when you were dancing in whatever you chose to do next. Now go, before I decide to forge your signature and recall your resignation.” She said smiling at me and I smiled back. She hugged me one last time and left.

I decided to walk a little around the Academy as I was sure this would be the last time I would be walking those halls. Even though I was only there for like three years, my life had changed completely. Here I had met john, Alex, Anne and Jen, my best friends. When I left home almost three years ago I was a totally different person, how would have believed that in three years I would had fulfilled my dreams? Everything had changed and even if I was now melancholic and almost sure I was going to miss this place, I was finally ready to move on.