Broken Charms

Same Mistakes: Part Two

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh 

Harry    

For the second time in this apartment, I had a very awkward problem at a very inappropriate time. I took a few seconds to focus, even though I knew a few seconds would never be enough to get the sight of Astrid out of my head. She was exquisite, and my self control was a thin line at the moment. Even now, I was fighting the urge to go back in there and kiss her, which was not helping me fight the other problem I had going on.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, adjusted myself as best I could, and walked down the hall into the living room.

It took her about ten minutes to get ready. All this time her phone never stopped ringing. The noise was extremely annoying. Her ringtone was just that, a ringtone. No song or melody just plain old ringing. I hated it. There was a time when she would change her ringtone almost every day and every time someone called her a new song was being played.

When she finally came out of the bedroom and picked her phone, the voice that came out of the other end of the line was screaming.

“Yes, I’m coming. I’m on my way… I didn’t forget it. How could I? Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” She said and hung up.  She turned to me.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Are you?” I asked back. She didn’t seem ready. She looked terrified. I missed seen her like that. Stressed confused but determined all the way. I was worried her being here and not dancing would change her and yesterday I really believed it did. But seeing her like that remind me of an old Astrid, the one I had fallen in love with. She had told me once that I was the only one who could calm her down. But I worried. What if her father was so sick that there was nothing that could be done to save him? that would tear her apart. she always wanted to be the kind of person that people could rely on.

“No. But that doesn’t matter, does it?”She replied bitterly. It looked as if she was now realizing what was about to happen. Maybe her working was just a distraction for her. she wanted to forget all of what was about to happen/

“No, actually it doesn’t. Come on, everything will be okay.” I said encouragingly.

“If you say so.” She replied as she headed to the door.

The moment we arrived at the hospital, it felt like we just walked into a funeral. Her mother was sitting with her head in her hands; her shoulders were shaking from her whimpers. Marian was besides her trying to comfort her. I stayed a few meters away and let Astrid walk to them to learn what was going on. She leaned closer to Marian and hugged him, completely ignoring her mother. Astrid didn’t even look at her. She just pretended that her mother wasn’t even there. Her mother was so stunned at Astrid’s reaction that she just stared at her. Her arms were open ready to engulf Astrid into a warm hug but Astrid didn’t even acknowledge her presence beside her. When she was done talking to Marian she hugged her one more time and started walking towards me.

“The results haven’t come out yet. They are just stressing.” She said gesturing but to her mum, who was looking at me like I was her only hope of reconciling with her daughter.

“What do you want to do?” I asked Astrid, trying to shift my attention back to Astrid and forget her mother’s pleading gaze.

“I want to stay here. it won’t be long, I think. You can go if you want.”

“No, I’d rather stay here with you.” I responded taking a seat.

“Okay, then.” She said taking seat beside me.

After almost thirty minutes of not talking I was nearly asleep. Astrid was rigid and fidgeting constantly but I didn’t want to disturb her. she stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to grab something to drink. Want to come?” she asked sounding completely desperate to escape even for a little while, to move, to distract her mind from what was to come.

“Yes, sure.” I stood and stretched a little I hadn’t realized that I had barely moved since I sat down.  As we started walking she spoke up.

“So about last night.” She started.  Please don’t go there. Don’t say you’re regretting it.

“What about it?” I said faking indifference.

“I just want to say that I was drunk and I should have acted the way I did. We’re over and I would totally understand…” she said. I cut her off.

“If what? I was drunk too, you know and we didn’t do anything.”

“I just wanted to apologize that’s all.”

“Well, I’m not going to. I don’t regret a second of last night and this morning.” I said. She blushed but she composed herself.

We decided to drink our cups of tea at the cafeteria. She didn’t seem so willing to go back to her family so we stayed there. She watched through the window the traffic while I took my time studying her. She had changed from the last time I saw her. she had gotten more tattoos, her hair was cut short just above her shoulders and her eyes had a distinct hardness that made feel so guilty. Her fingers were toying with the necklace she was wearing when I noticed something.

“Why don’t you wear it?” I asked.

“hmmm… What?” she sounded distracted,

“Your heart pendant. The one I gave you. Why don’t you wear it?”

“Oh, that one. Well, it doesn’t seem true anymore. What it represented, I mean.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The words that were carved on it. They don’t seem true anymore.”

“Oh!” the words I had carved.

“Am I right?” she asked after a few minutes. I didn’t reply. She was right. I didn’t love her, not like I used to anyway.

“I wish you weren’t.” I finally say.

“Yeah, me too.” I sighed. “Maybe it was for the best I mean. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. We were so different.”

“No we weren’t different. We didn’t love each other like we were supposed to.”

“Yes, or maybe the timing was bad, Harry. We can’t blame ourselves from what happened. It is in the past.”

“Just because it’s in the past doesn’t mean, we should forger. Astrid, you were the only person that loved me for me. you gave a reason to want something else that just success and fame. You gave me hope that I can find happiness in this world and when you fell on that stage, all my hopes, dreams, fears crushed on that stage with you. I was lost without you.” my thoughts were escaping my mind and I couldn’t do anything to stop them. she looked tormented.

“Well, when I fell on that stage I wanted you beside me. I wanted you to want to be with me. But you ran away. Harry, I loved you so much, I can’t even begin to tell you. I could write a million about how I felt about you and it wouldn’t come close to how I really felt. You were my entire world but it felt like every second that I spend loving you something happened that always tried to break us up and I had to fight alone because you could never understand and I could never tell you. it felt like the more you loved me the more oblivious you were to me. Our own love destroyed our relationship. No one is to blame but the way we loved.” She said. Her eyes were full of unshed tears that were threatening to run through her cheeks. Before I could respond, she stood up and left leaving me wonder if someone could actually love someone else too much.