Love's Sins (Sequel to Silent Cries)

Chapter Seven - He's A Coward.

2 weeks later..
Bryan's POV

The steering wheel blurs in and out of focus, practically forcing me to swipe violently at my eyes to get rid of the tears before they stray from their sockets. My hands are shaking far worse now when I notice it's time that I head inside the funeral home. Pounding on the wheel with my fists, I lower my head and growl in frustration. Going in there means I'll receive so many looks ranging from sympathy to bitterness.

Why did Rory have to do this to me? It's bad enough that he lied his way through a vast amount of our relationship but he went and relapsed and ultimately took his own life. The day the hospital called and told me of how he suffered from deep arm lacerations and that he had lost too much blood. I fucking lost it. I nearly collapsed the minute the call ended with Joan to hold me up and I was told to come to the morgue to identify and claim him as soon as he was transported. I shouldn't be thinking he, I should be thinking remains. There's nothing left of the boy I fell for back in high school.

A round of brief tapping on the window is what snaps me out of my daze of emotions, making me look up and meet the gaze of Joan outside the window. She pulls open the already unlocked door and crouches down to my level, placing her hand on my shoulder and biting her lip, there's a glint of tears in her eyes and her cheeks look puffy, she had been crying.

"Bryan, It's time to go in now. I know you're scared but this needs to happen. I'll be by your side the entire time." She says, forcing a smile on her creased lips. I have to fight an eye roll once I get out of the car and slam the door shut behind me, taking off towards the entrance to the home in a frump. What Joan just doesn't get is that I don't want her sympathy and that being left alone to grieve and wallow in my own self pity is what I need.

Her heels click and clack behind me as she pursues me to catch up, looping arms with me when she does. "Show time." She whispers, pushing open the door and walking us both through the threshold.

Family and friends are gathered in clusters all over the service room, engaging in conversation with the occasional stray people that crowd around the casket. A tall woman with mahogany hair, side steps the casket and to my relief reveals that it's closed. Good thing it is, I don't want to see him. I personally hate how people insist to have open caskets to show off the faces of the ones they've lost. Shouldn't people be remembered as they were? And not as how their remains appear to be?

Not like I'd WANT to remember Rory the way he was. The snarky thought brings a smile upon my lips, a strange action now to me since I haven't smiled in what seems like ages. Joan notices, nudging me with her elbow and shaking her head in disapproval. With her still on my arm, we round the room and it doesn't take long before people begin to notice our presence.. No it doesn't take long until they notice MY presence. If they all knew Rory even a little then they'd know about me.

Even shorter on, I'm approached by several different people, most of them I have no clue who they are and eventually even Rory's grandparents come by to offer condolences to me. The action is so ridiculous to me considering how Rory is their flesh and blood. "We know he made a lot of bad decisions.. But before he messed up with you.. He did well in choosing a partner.." They say, breathing in between and cutting in when the other can't bare the heavy burden of speech.

Finally they let up and Joan and I sit ourselves down in the second row. My legs feel so heavy now that I've sunk into yet another daze. This time I'm transported into my own recess of wreck less grief. I don't understand why I feel so much blame for what Rory did. It was his choice to slash open his wrists again and finally succeed at taking his own life. What most people can't understand is that suicide and self harm aren't things that you can blame on anyone.. No, they are choices made by a cracked up mind since no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to do anything harmful to your body.

I despise myself even more when the pastor takes the stand and begins his eulogy for Rory. It's sickening to me since Rory was loose as hell when it came to religion and hated being preached to about God. He claimed it only made him have distaste for religion the more it was shoved down his throat by some holy man.

One by one, people take the stand after the pastor finishes his rave over Rory's "fantastic life" as soon as he called it that, I almost busted up laughing. It must've been near impossible for anyone to find a pastor who is cool with suicide. Or maybe he is just doing this as an act for the grieving friends and family? I don't even want to find out to be honest. I'm already feeling much more relieved when I'm not asked to come up and give praise to Rory.

I wouldn't be able to say anything since you can't give respect when there's next to none to give.

xxxx

The funeral is over and done with in the blink of an eye it seems. People are dismissed by rows until only the closest friends and family remain, with a few people lingering to give last condolences. A good amount of them look pissed off for a reason I'd find out real soon. Rory's mother Katherine didn't show up. She had been released from prison a few years prior and tried to reconnect with Rory but all to no avail. I suppose it matters since she was his mother after all.

The fuss dies down, people taking their leave until there's only Joan and myself left alone with Mason and Jessie. Jessie's pressed up against her grandson's casket, not even trying to bottle in the tears with her shoulders shaking as she sobs, Mason trying to hold her but with no luck. She pushes him away and runs out of the funeral, unable to support her own grief. Mason follows after her, giving us a nod and apology before the door slams shut, ringing out an echo throughout the empty location.

"It certainly was a terrible service wasn't it?" Joan's says, almost making me jump after having been near dead silent for the past hour. I nod mechanically, reaching up and combing my fingers through my hair. I haven't been talkative in the least since the day Rory died, resulting in others just laying off and giving me my space until I'm ready. I haven't even been to work and my mother won't call again until I'm ready to talk to her. It's going to be a while before that happens.

"-think I'm gonna go out to the car.." I hear Joan finish. Crap I must've lost focus again. She lets go of me after that, heading out the door with her heels clacking and the closing behind her in wake. My legs propel me forward so I stand in front of the casket, I just stand there for a moment trying to organize my thoughts.

This man was my first love, kiss, and the reason I had to look forward to getting up each day and powering through the pain. My heart cries out when m fingers graze the casket lining, tears welling up to the surface. I look down and set my jaw. He also was a lying, cheating, backstabber, who used me and didn't give a damn about how badly it hurt me. Trying to find words for the moment, for myself, and for him is hard.

"You're a coward.. But I can't help but still love you, even though you've left me and hurt me for the final time.." The words flow out almost naturally and without any thought or checking, I guess I must've known them all along deep down. With that, I can't stand being in the room anymore and take my leave without looking back. The only thing left to comfort me being the certainty that he can't do anything to hurt himself or others anymore.

Author's Note.

Okay.. Deep breath. So this was a very eventful chapter. Rory is now pronounced diseased and Bryan is emotionally distraught.

What do you guys think? Was Rory's act and Bryan's words justified? And what's this with Katherine's return after so long? Do you think she will come back?

Feel free to speak up, votes and or comments are always much appreciated if you feel the chapter deserved them. I love having communication with you guys. It helps me to know if I'm doing well, especially after having this be my first book series ever.

I'll be updating as frequent as possible. So until next time.. Stay Strong.