Love's Sins (Sequel to Silent Cries)

Chapter Twenty Three - My Boy.

Present Time
Katherine's POV

I finally finish the story, tears trickling down my cheeks from the memory of the last time I ever saw my son alive. I had no way of knowing that the day he was taken away it would be the last goodbye.

My parents tried to sympathize with me and insisted that he hadn't held grudge against me for all that had happened. I saw through that immediately. As much as I hate to admit it, he may have looked like me but had many of his father's personality traits. One of those traits being his temper which made things worsen and I knew that he had not found it in himself to forgive me. Truth be told I couldn't blame him, I still haven't forgiven myself and I don't believe I ever will.

Ryan has been regarding me with the same look of anguish he's held in his eyes since the beginning of the story. He must think I'm such a lunatic for sticking with Lucas for as long as I did and for not removing myself from the situation. Rory probably would have never turned out the way that he did if it weren't for my own weakness getting the better of me for all of those years.

"Go on ahead and judge me. You wouldn't be the first to do so.." I say between silent sobs. He just stares at me all the same, his gaze not faltering at all from my face. I am forced to look away when the discomfort of eye contact gets the better of me. That's one thing that Lucas beat into me. Even though I'm free from his clutches, the memories of his burning eyes while he hurt me still haunt me. I just can't stand extended contact and that's surely never going to change.

"I'm not judging you. You're talking to someone who has been counseling in a private practice for the past few years of his life. I've seen abuse first hand and I can see how you felt trapped." He says without the slightest hint of emotion in his tone. As much as I want to believe him, I still feel like a total basket case.

"It was very hard and I tried to leave. I'm sure you of all people do understand I suppose." I concede with a sigh. He must notice the silent tears that are now trickling down my cheeks but doesn't let on. As much as I want to believe what therapists have been telling me for the past several years of my life, I can't let go of the self hate.

"He was my baby boy and I hurt him so badly with my selfish ways. If it weren't for that then he probably would still be here right now.." I choke on the last few words from the truth they hold. In so many ways I did kill my son. I'm about to lose it and suddenly feel claustrophobic in this old room.

"I think I need to go and clear my head. I have something I've been meaning to do but have been putting off for a very long time." I say solemnly. This time it's him who makes a move forward but with a card in his now extended hand.

"Give me a call if you ever need anything or just want to talk again." He says kindly. I almost cry at the act of kindness that I don't deserve. I nod silently, turning my back and sweeping out of the apartment.

I reach my car just before my knees give way and I sink into my car seat. The tears are flowing like a river now and I can't seem to contain any of my trembling. I hit the steering wheel with my fists and curse under my breath, all sound now robbed from me. I start the car when I manage to regain some of my composure and pull quickly out of the lot.

There are a few things I must finish. The sun has just sunk below the horizon so there are little rays of sunshine still sprinkled across the wet grass when I meet my destination. I pull in through the open gates, the headstones I pass looking dim as ever.

Parking the car, I step out onto the grass and make my way to the headstone that belongs to me. It takes a while before I finally stumble upon it. The stone is a light grey color with words carefully etched into the front. I trace my fingertips along my son's name in a state of numbness. This can't be real.