Part of Me

Chapter 59

The Weeknd- Shameless

Tourist- Holding on

Troye Sivan- THE QUITE

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It was late, really late. The streets were wet with the rain that poured down in sheets throughout the day. Days like that always made getting out of bed tough and when your sheets smelt like your girlfriend or ex, Taylor wasn't quite sure, it made getting up a thousand times harder. Taylor had seen Karlie six time in the past month and very few words had been spoken, at least not with cloths on. The whole situation put Taylor in a constant state of anxiety, always questioning but never actually having the nerve to voice her thoughts. She wanted to talk about everything, she really did, but she feared that if they began to talk that whatever stained, ripped, thread of hope she was holding on to would very quickly break and with it, their relationship. So, Taylor kept her mouth closed when her cloths were on. It was always the singer that initiated the contact. After that first night she sent a message a few days later asking if she could come over. Karlie replied that she was welcome anytime after 12am. Taylor wasn't sure what to expect when she showed up but her questions were quickly answered when Karlie shut the door and kissed Taylor without any hesitation. Later that night when they had finally caught their breath and lay naked next to each other in Karlie's dimly lit apartment, the model stated that she had to be up early tomorrow. Taylor hadn't stayed over the first time so she shouldn't have been surprised by Karlie asking her to leave, yet she was. The blonde had asked Karlie if she wanted her to leave. The younger girl just looked at her with broken, glazed over eyes and sunk back into the sheet turning her back to Taylor. It was cold and in some way, Taylor thought it was what she deserved. So, she collected her things, called a car, and left.

Taylor wasn't sure if she was ever welcome back so she waited a while before texting Karlie again. The model had responded with the same thing she had before, Taylor was welcome anytime after 12am. It soon became a habit and now Taylor just asked if she could come over that night and Karlie would just reply with a yes. In all the times that Taylor had texted her, Karlie had not once said no. She was still there, no matter what, when Taylor needed her and that may have been the most heartbreaking part.

So here she was, on her way, yet again, to Karlie's apartment later than usual at night. Taylor wasn't sure if they were supposed to just ride out this fight or if it was some sick sort of closure that they needed, either way it left a pit in her stomach the whole ride. That first night was supposed to be a one-time thing and now... now Taylor felt an almost sense of addiction to these kind of nights, living for the thrill that a night with Karlie gave her, although terrified by the after effects on her heart in the morning.

Taylor spun the ring around her finger as they turned down the model's street. The car slowed down as they pulled up to the sidewalk. Taylor hopped out and shut the door behind her. Her driver pretty much knew the drill by now.

Taylor knocked on the front door and it was almost immediately answered. The second she stepped in Karlie's lips were on hers. They sighed into the initial kiss the way they always did, like the addicted lovers that they were.

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They were laying in bed naked together, fingers intertwined. Karlie ran her fingers repeatedly though the singer's hair as Taylor placed light kisses all around the model's neck and chest. She knew that as soon as her lips left skin for an extended amount of time that their purpose of being together that night was over. Taylor didn't want to leave this bed or Karlie side so she just kept kissing her girlfriend, holding on to the only connection that seemed to still have some life in it. She was no longer holding onto Karlie she was holding onto Karlie's body which, know that she knew what it was like to have Karlie's heart, would never be enough.