Part of Me

Chapter 61- Final

Belgian Fog- Loveless Way

Dvsn- Hallucinations

Fiona Apple- Container (The Affair)

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"Karlie? Coming to bed babe?" Cara called from the bed to Karlie who remained in the bathroom.

The model brought cold water up to her face for the third time before reaching for a soft face cloth. "You can turn off the light. I'll be there in a minute," she replied.

Karlie brought the cloth down from her face and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked... tired.

Cara knew that Taylor came over that evening. She was surprisingly ok with it. The actress knew pretty much everything about their relationship from their first kiss to how Karlie used to visit the beach her and Taylor went to at night when the model was trying to get over the breakup. At the end of the day though, Cara had been the best of friends. She sat and listened to Karlie talk and helped her though everything. Karlie hadn't wanted to reach out to Cara because talking to your ex about your other ex is super strange. Yet, when photos and news stories surfaced about Taylor and Karlie's split Cara reached out and the model didn't shy away. Something about their relationship this time was different. There wasn't the intense passion and insanity that fueled them in the past. This time it was a more mature partnership, the kind of relationship you see real adults having. It felt like what Karlie needed right now. After the passion and heartbreak of Taylor, being with Cara again, was comforting. A little boring sure, but what Karlie needed, especially after the emotional day she had.

Karlie crawled into bed and turned on her side. There was an intense moon beam that slipped through the cracks of the curtains, pooling in silvery rays by the side of the bed. It was so strong that it was almost undeniably a full moon out. Karlie loved these kind of nights. It made the air feel alive and electric. It made the model want to take a drive.... But she was in bed, with Cara, where she should be, where she was comfortable and safe.

Karlie could already hear the soft snores of Cara beside her but the model had never felt more awake in bed than she had at that moment. Her eyes were fully wide and her body felt jittery. She tried to take deep breaths and calm herself down. She had taken a bunch of yoga classes in the past so she started implementing the breathing techniques they use to re-center themselves. It worked...kinda. Until, Karlie's mind drifted to the thoughts she had been avoiding all night. Those last lines Taylor said, "we're different and I'll wait. I'm going to let you go but only for now. Not forever." If Taylor had said that a couple of months ago Karlie would had been putty in her hands. But now, the model felt stronger, like she had finally found herself again and was with someone that was never going to hurt her. Mostly because she didn't have the power over Karlie's heart enough to, but still Karlie felt safe where she was and that was so important.

The model tossed and turned, doing her best to not wake up Cara, who at times could be a light sleeper. Karlie tried to stay still but with each passing moment it felt like the sheets that kept her in the bed were getting tighter like a boa constrictor.

The model did her best not to rip off the sheets she so desperately wanted to. Instead she carefully pulled them back and tiptoed out of the bedroom. She padded along the hardwood floors and then tile as she entered the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window. It was indeed a full moon tonight. The sky was so bright and the stars seemed to be begging to be looked at. Karlie placed the glass in the sink, grabbed the first jacket on the hook, and stepped out the front door. She threw the jacket over her shoulders and felt a summer's night cool breeze hit her face and her bare legs that her shorts didn't cover. Karlie tilted her head back so that it was close to being parallel to the earths surface as she looked at the small patch of the solar system that stretch out overhead. She had thought that getting some fresh air would put her at ease but it somehow stimulated her more. Her body felt more jittery and electricity pulsed through it. Taylor's voice in Karlie's memory seemed to be louder and more vivid than ever before. Karlie breathed in and out trying to block out earlier that evening but her mind had different plans as flashes of Taylor seemed to take over the model's mind, blurring out the bright stars. Karlie stuffed her hands into the jacket pocket and her right hand hit something hard and round. She pulled it out. Car keys. She must have forgotten to put them on the hook the other night. Karlie turned the plastic around and around in her hand. She made a snap decision and walked across the gravel that dug painfully into her bare feet. It didn't stop her through as she unlocked the car and slid into the driver's seat. The car sounded especially loud against the empty and silent night, but Karlie had committed so she put the vehicle in drive and pulled out of the driveway, ignoring the sound of crunching gravel as she sped out.

Before she knew it Karlie was on the highway, driving along the coastline. She wasn't quite sure where she was going but she knew she was moving and that's all she needed right now. Normally she would have wanted to play some music but Taylor's voice seemed to be getting louder and louder with every mile marker that the model passed. It was invasive, it was running over and through every inch of Karlie's brain, like an infection. The model quickly switched over three lanes and took an exit in an attempt to get off the road. As soon as she got to the intersection she realized that this place looked familiar, although, she hadn't been her in a while. She followed the road for a little trying to recall and then her instincts told her to take a right down a fairly rough path. She let her hands make the turn. It instantly hit her. This was the beach she visited with Taylor.

Karlie parked the car. She stepped out and the sand in the grassy parking lot clung to her bare feet. The night was cooler now, most likely from the sea breeze. Karlie closed the door and felt what could only be described as a magnetic pull to the ocean. She climbed the sand dunes and for a moment admired the empty beach and the black waters lapping at its edges. The sand slipped away under her feet as she descended down the dune. The closer and closer she got to the water the louder Taylor's voice became and then it was broken up by Cara's voice asking "Karlie? Coming to bed babe?" the way she had done hours ago.

It was cold but the jacket Karlie was wearing seemed to be tightening on her body the same way her sheets had done before. She slipped it off and tossed it to the sandy ground as she continued her walk to the beach. Before she knew it her toes hit cold water and it circled around her ankles. It puddled and then drew back into the ocean bringing with it grains of sand that formed the patch of ground Karlie was standing on. The once solid surface Karlie had stood on was now decaying and slipping away into the water. Once again sea puddled around Karlie's ankles and this time when it was pulled back into the ocean, it brought the model with it. She walked deeper and deeper into the water, never pausing or slowing down. The waves crashed and hit her thighs then her hips and then her waist. The water saturated her cloths and weighed her down. She wasn't moving as fast but the power in her legs that walked her closer to the coastline didn't change. She walked deeper and deeper until the waves crashing hit her face and the water circled around her neck. From here the waves seemed vicious with their white foam tops curling over before hitting Karlie's face. She closed her eyes and tried to stand her ground against the powerful wave. When she opened them again salty water trickled in and burned her eyes, blurring her vision slightly impairing her sight enough that she wasn't fully prepared for when the next wave crashed harder than the last one. Karlie came up quickly this time pushing away the water from her eyes only to see a third wave coming. This time she took a big breath and sunk down, into the black water. For the first time that night the voices in her head were muffled, the way they would be if someone was actually talking to her from above the waves and she was underwater touching the sea bed. The waves above rocked the waters back and forth but there was a sense of peace under the waves. Karlie wasn't particularly religious, it wasn't really something that played a role in her life, but right now she needed guidance from a God or a supernatural force or anything that could help her.

'Please,' her thoughts begged, 'give me a sign. Tell me what to do. I love Taylor. I will always love her, but I can't get hurt like that again. Should I stay with Cara? I love her but... I don't know if I'm in love with her.'

Karlie felt her lungs begging for air.

'Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Just give me a sign. Anything.'

She couldn't stay under any longer. Her feet pressed hard against the sand and she shot up for air.

The voices came back almost immediately.

"Karlie!"

The model couldn't tell whose voice it was but she tried to block it out as she pushed the water from her eyes to reveal a wave approaching fast. She took a big breath and dove under it. As she resurfaced she heard the same voice again.

"Karlie!"

It was the clearest one tonight. It almost felt like it was coming from the beach.

Karlie spun around and saw a figure on the shore. She squinted to try and make it out just as another unexpected wave crashed down onto her. The force of the water almost flipped her over and when she resurfaced she coughed up salty water, pushing her hair and sand from face. This time her eyes adjusted faster to the figure on the beach.

"Karlie!" the voice came again. The model didn't know how she hadn't recognized it earlier.

This was the sign. This was her choice. Her answer was right there standing on the beach.