Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 23

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 23 - Coming To Find Me

August 2015

I will not get my hopes up over this. I will not expect anything from her. I am going to see her because I owe her the truth, and because I need to look at her one last time, even if it just so she can tell me to piss off out of her life for good. I miss her so much there is a physical ache in every bone of my body, and yet somehow knowing I will be seeing her in a week has given me a focus, and I am feeling better than I have done since all this went wrong.

I'm not going to ask her to take me back. I'm not going to ask for forgiveness. I don't have the right to demand anything from her, after what I did. I can only hope she will hear me out, and I promise myself it is all I will ask of her. 

I feel like a junkie who has gone cold turkey - from being surrounded and enveloped by her love, to barely afforded the time of day, or a few characters in a text. I have never craved contact with someone like this before. Maybe because I have never truly been in love before. 

Should I tell her I love her?

No - only if she asks. I don't want to manipulate her by burdening her with my own feelings. The purpose of this is to explain what happened so she understands why I betrayed her in the way I did and that she is in no way to blame. I accept full responsibility.

"Harry?"

I am startled out of my reverie to see Megan standing next to my seat smiling down at me. It's Sunday afternoon and I'm flying back to London on one of the private jets, as we now have a week-long break between Baltimore and Columbus. 

"You were miles away," she says softly. "Everything OK?"

"Um, yeah, good thanks," I reply. "Sorry if I ignored you."

"It's OK," she says quickly. "I was going to suggest you take the cabin. The bed is made up. Why don't you go have a lie down?"

I hesitate. If I have a nap on this flight I'll be jet lagged and unable to sleep when I get back to London. On the other hand, my eyelids are drooping already. I know I won't stay awake another seven hours. 

"Yeah, I will actually. Thanks," I reply. 

"Let me just check it's ready for you," she offers, and while I stand up and fumble for my earphones she hurries off to the back of the plane. After a minute I follow her and find her standing by the cabin door. She opens it for me and I step inside and walk a couple of steps over to the small bed tucked away against the wall. It's not the most comfy bed in the world, but it'll be comfier than trying to doze in a reclined seat.

"Can I get anything else for you? An extra blanket?" she offers. "I can adjust the temperature if you'd like?" She steps through the door behind me.

"No, I'm OK thanks, I'm just gonna crash for a couple of hours," I reply.

"OK, well, if you change your mind just call," she says softly, looking up at me through her eyelashes, and I smile down at her.

"Thanks, Megan, I will."

And then suddenly she is standing on her tiptoes, her face close to mine, her eyes closing, her breath soft on my cheek. Fuck!

"Um, that's not going to happen," I say gently but firmly, reading the situation just in time to pull back before her lips land on mine.

Her face is still close as her eyes open slowly, and she drops her gaze to my lips for a moment. "I thought it was what you wanted," she breathes, moistening her own lips with her tongue and then looking up to meet my gaze again.