Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 81

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 81. There's Nothing I'm Running From)

The following week is hectic. I have to send a brief taped audition to Christopher Nolan in advance of my official audition, which is probably one of the most daunting things I've ever done. Usually when I'm on camera I'm just being me, Harry. I might be performing on stage, but the general pratting about with the others and engaging with the audience is all me - it's never scripted. But performing for the camera as someone else, and not only that, someone I don't even know (I've been given no script, no backstory, no information about which role I am auditioning for) is a completely different ball game. Jeff assures me my piece is great, and although I don't want to watch it back I know I must if I am going to get used to seeing myself play a part on screen. I need to be able to critique myself objectively and look for ways to improve; I'll never be able to do that if I don't watch my performances back.

The audition itself is the opposite of what I am expecting. When thinking about film production I have always assumed grandeur, effects, people milling around and realistic sets. The reality is me sitting alone in a small, empty room with no heating, with no idea what is expected of me, and I can only describe the sense of relief when another guy walks in from another door and takes a seat on a plastic chair next to me.

"You here for the audition too?" he asks.

"Yeah, I am," I answer, holding my hand out to shake his. "I'm Harry."

"Fionn," he answers. "Excuse the way I look - I'm in the middle of shooting something right now and they've let me out for an hour to come and do this." 

It would be rude to look him up and down so I deliberately avoid it. I don't want to look haughty or anything. 

"So do you know which part you're auditioning for?" he asks me.

"Um, no," I reply, feeling very much like the new boy on my first day at school. "I haven't been told anything." I want to ask if this is normal, but don't want to show myself up or highlight my own inexperience.

"Me neither," he says. "They're keeping their cards very close to their chest on this one. I've had no script or anything. I don't know what type of role it is, what the character is like, or how they want me to play it. I'm completely in the dark."

"Same," I nod, a little more at ease now. If this guy has been told nothing too then that is surely a good sign. Or maybe it's a bad sign for us both. It's probably better if I don't overthink this. 

When I am finally called through into a small room, I catch sight of Christopher Nolan at the back in the shadows. I introduce myself, unsure whether to make a point of greeting Chris. He stays silent so I follow his lead and concentrate solely on the audition, although it is unnerving knowing he is watching from the far end of the room and saying nothing. When I come out I call Jeff and bend his ear for ten minutes about whether all of this sounds normal - he tells me that while it is unusual, each director has their own unique way of going about these things and I shouldn't obsess about it because I won't find out anything for ages. According to Jeff they have literally thousands of people to see. This deflates me a little, although it helps keep me grounded. I know my name alone creates headlines and so if by some miracle I actually land this part, I'd like to be able to say I beat thousands of people to get it. Sounds better than them hiring me because they think it'll be good publicity. I want to be known for working hard, being good and having talent. Not buying my way to what I want. 

I push the audition to the back of my mind and focus on the next few days. I view a couple more houses with Mum and Robin, but none of them are as nice as the first one I saw, for which I have the second viewing booked with Jess. I sign my new contract with Full Stop Management, popping a cork with my family and the Azoffs to mark the occasion. And of course, it is Jeff's birthday party which I have been looking forward to for a while as it will be a nice opportunity to catch up with friends and get drunk and silly. It's also the first time I'll see Kendall since the yacht disaster over New Year. As it turns out, she isn't feeling well and so although we have a quick chat at the bar she comes to find me an hour or so later to say she's leaving already and hopes we might be able to catch up another time. She doesn't even stay long enough to hear my Birthday Roast (that I would love to say I spent hours working on but in reality I threw together in under an hour) which goes down well and has everyone laughing - always a relief.