Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 69

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 69 - I Just Wanna Tell The World That You're Mine)

We spend the next couple of days apart while I fulfil more One Direction commitments, and this time away from each other gives me the opportunity to mull over the idea of us moving in together. I know it's a huge step, and I know it would be harder to keep our relationship hidden from the public if Jess was living with me. But now I've thought of it, I can imagine nothing else. I'm conscious that I don't want to blurt it out without thinking about it, and ponder whether to make it a big gesture, or whether doing so would put undue pressure on her to accept. I mean, it's not a proposal but it is a sort of commitment, in a way. Perhaps I should test the water first, before I bellyflop in with an almighty crash.

We're due to go out for dinner on Friday night, and as I'm getting ready I'm already thinking of ways to drop the idea into conversation. I stand in front of the mirror as I button my shirt, sounding out lines in my head. So, I was thinking about us, and moving our relationship to the next level... No, for fuck's sake that's awful. Have you given any thought about the next step for us, in the future? Closed question - if she just says no it leaves me nowhere to go. Plus, I sound like a drip. I've been thinking about us lately, and thinking how great it would be if you were here all the time. Fucking hell, that just sounds creepy. Why am I such a loser?!

I spray on some aftershave, rinse a shot of mouthwash, give my hair one last tousle with my hand and make my way downstairs just as the doorbell rings to signal Paul has arrived. I quicken my pace and trip over my own feet, stumbling into the wall in the open hallway and feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment, even though no one has seen me. Swallowing a laugh, I grab a jacket and my keys, check the monitor to make sure it is indeed Paul outside, and open the door.

"Evening, H," he greets me. "What's amused you?"

I'm clearly still smirking at my own clumsiness, and I chuckle to myself. "Nothing."

"We picking up Jess?" Paul confirms as I climb into the back seat.

"Yep, then to Highgate Road - the restaurant called the Carob Tree."

"Nice," Paul remarks, and I smile to myself as I buckle my seatbelt and sit back into my seat.

The car is warm and comfortably heated; the air outside cold and frosty. I jig a little on the spot on Jess's doorstep as I wait for her to come down the stairs, blowing on my freezing fingers. When she finally appears, she literally knocks the breath from my body - she looks absolutely stunning in a pair of tight black skinny jeans that cling to every delicate curve, and a dark pinky-red top beneath her jacket that compliments her skin tone. She's made an extra effort with her makeup and is wearing more than usual, but rather than looking thick and heavy the effect is light and polished. 

"Wow," I breathe. "You look absolutely incredible." I can't help looking her up and down, drinking in the sight of her. I want this image to be burned into my eyelids for the times we're apart. Without trying to be corny, she has no idea just how beautiful she is. And I know she's worried about what the media and the fans will say about her when we eventually go public, but I wish that just for a second she could see herself through my eyes, so she could understand she has nothing to worry about.

I falter, wondering whether I should say what I'm thinking, and then deciding to go for it. "OK, I know you're not ready just yet, and I'm in no way pushing you," I begin, "but... I can't wait until we're public. I can't wait to go out with you on my arm and show you off to the world. I'm sorry. I know you're not a piece of meat, but I can't help admiring you. I could stare into your eyes forever."

Even in the streetlit carpark I can tell she's blushing as she gently admonishes me, with no conviction.

"You don't know how beautiful you are," I add, curling my index finger under her chin to guide her eyes back to mine, and she smiles in spite of her shyness.