Trace of Innocence | Sweet and Sour (Book 4)

Chapter 2

(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 2. For One More Day)

I throw my all into psyching myself up for the Horsens concert, keeping myself going by focussing on the job in hand. I push the news reports of my night with Sara to the back of my mind, refusing to think about them. I know what everyone is thinking about me. They're thinking I'm a piece of shıt for cheating on Jess. We never even confirmed our relationship, but the sightings of us in London, Cambridge and LA over the past few months were enough to convince the entire world we are an item. So naturally, I have to face the consequences of letting her down so publicly.

She has remained silent throughout, and this makes my guilt burn harder. I don't deserve her silence, albeit I am grateful for it. I want it; I need it. Therefore I hate myself for the relief I feel because of it. I can't win.

Just before the show my old school friend Jack messages me and says he is in Oslo on the nineteenth of June, and asks if I want to meet up. I don't feel like it, but the rational part of me knows I will feel better if I have a distraction from everything. I offer him tickets to the show, and a backstage pass, and arrange for us to catch up for lunch beforehand.

Karen rings me as I am in the car on the way to CASA Arena and I realise we haven't yet arranged a time to meet tomorrow.

"Hi," I answer.

"How are you?" she asks. There's no mistaking the tone of concern in her voice. It brings a lump to my throat immediately. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Fine," I answer thickly.

There is a pause. "I don't want to pry, Harry, but you don't sound fine," she says.

"Well, let's see," I begin, my voice trembling, "my relationship is over, I'm not the person I thought I was, the world thinks I'm a man-whore and my job is effectively being made redundant in nine months' time. Sorry if I'm not wearing a grass skirt and dancing the hula, but I'm not really in the mood."

She sighs. "The media will be bored of the story soon enough," she offers. "It's one of those things you've just got to ride out."

"And what then?" I ask, the wobble in my voice becoming more pronounced. "Once they're bored of me and move onto the next carcass to pick apart, do I just magically heal and forget it all happened?"

"You move on from it," she responds. "You've dealt with this sort of thing before, Harry. I would have thought you would have developed a thicker skin by now."

"And Jess?" I demand. "The band? My future? I just move on from all of that too?"

There is more silence, and I can tell Karen is more than a little out of her depth. She doesn't do feelings.

"I thought you said you didn't love Jess," she says eventually.

"I don't," I say, furiously.

"Well you're doing a pretty good job of convincing me otherwise."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"I mean, you're ranting and raving about someone you're adamant you don't care about!" she finally snaps. "What really happened in New York? There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?!"

I blink a couple of times. "I've already told you what happened. I was high as a kite, and hammered. Sara made a pass at me, I didn't say no. What else is there?"

"You haven't told me why you did it," she states, bluntly.

"I don't know why I did it. It was a dıck move. I'm obviously a dıck. End of."