Institute of Happy Thoughts [1ST PLACE, NNWC]

Chapter 4: Lesson 2 - Independence and Reliance

Biglang huminto ang pagkalabog sa pinto, biglang tumahimik ang paligid na para bang walang nangyari. Dahan-dahan kong binitawan ang damit ni Rita. "Ganoon lang 'yon?" tanong ko na hindi pa rin makapaniwala

"I think so, yes. Wala na siya. Ligtas ka na. Puwede ka nang lumabas at hanapin si Ms. Anna. I trust you know how to find her now."

Naguguluhan pa ring pinaglipat-lipat ko ang mata sa pinto at kay Rita. How can it be that easy?

"No. Hindi ko alam kung paano," I mumbled. "What just happened? Why is he here? Why do you know him?"

"Si Ms. Anna lang ang makakasagot sa mga tanong mo. Kung gusto mo ng sagot, find her. Just remember how you found this place and you'll find her, waiting."

With reluctance, I decided to go back in the hallway. Mga ilang beses akong nagtangkang lumabas bago ako nakakuha ng lakas ng loob na tuluyang buksan ang pinto. Wala namang nagbago. Ito pa rin 'yong hallway na pinanggalingan ko. 'Yong mga pinto parehas pa rin, itim at puti.

Remember how I found that place? Ni hindi ko na nga maalala kung anong ginawa ko kanina para makita ko ang lugar na iyon. All I was thinking was to get to some place safe—.

Bigla akong natigilan. A weird idea came to me. I don't know if it's going to work. It's a long shot but there's no harm in trying. Kaya naman kahit na isang kabaliwan ang nasa isip ko'y hinarap ko ulit 'yung pintong pinasukan ko kanina; 'yung pintong nagdala sa akin sa courtyard. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero bigla ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Kinakabahan ako sa 'di ko malamang dahilan. This could just get me back to the courtyard, but if what I'm thinking is true then this door would also bring me to the place that I wanted to go.

Strengthening my resolve, I took a deep breath, and then with cold hands I took the doorknob and ever so slowly turned it to open the door. And there she was, standing in the middle of the room smiling, as if she knew I was coming.

I was rendered speechless. It was an overwhelming sight I supposed, but what really made my brain to stop thinking was that it worked. Hindi ako makapaniwala. I was right and I don't know if that should made me jump for joy.

"Good evening, dearie. What took you so long?"

Mataman ko lang siyang tiningnan, tila nahihirapang magproseso ang isip ko sa napakaraming dahilan. Una na riyan ang katotohanang may mali at kakaiba sa lugar na ito. Isa pa, hindi alam ng isip ko kung anong uunahin sa mga tanong na naghahanap ng kasagutan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magsisimula.

A smile crept in her lips, interest in her eyes. "Bakit hindi ka maupo muna? Mukhang napagod ka sa paghahanap ng silid ko." Umakto siyang hahawakan ako sa balikat nang umiwas ako.

"No," piksi ko. Naaalala ko pa 'yong lamig na gumapang sa katawan ko kanina nang hawakan niya 'ko. Lamig na nagpahapo sa katawan ko. Umatras ako. "Marami akong tanong Ms. Anna at gusto kong sagutin mo ang mga iyon. Hindi ako aalis dito ng hindi mo iyon ginagawa."

"But we're done for today. Tapos na tayo sa lesson mo. Hindi magandang minamadali ang mga bagay. Lahat dapat nasa tamang oras. 'Wag kang mag-alala masasagot din ang mga tanong mo. For now you have to take a rest."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What lesson are you talking about? Ni hindi pa nga tayo nakakapag-umpisa. Kadarating ko lang."

"But you already learned your lesson."

"All I did was run all night and opened doors. Was I supposed to learn something from them?"

Bahagya itong natawa. "Those doors are magical. It will only lead you to the things you needed the most."

Napalunok ako. Deep down I knew there was nothing normal about this place. I just went through one door to test a theory and that door led me to two different places, which confirmed it; yet it's hard to grasp the idea that such exists. Magical? What the hell!

"Yes, Denice, magical, unless you still want to deny that after all that happened tonight."

"You said it would lead me to the things I needed the most. Pero puro closet at storage room lang naman ang nakikita ko, and I surely don't need those things,"pag-iiba ko sa usapan. I don't want to deny anything, nor accept those that I can't explain.

Ms. Anna went in front of her table and leaned against it. "Kasi gusto mong umalis. You opened every door with a way out in mind. In life Denice, there are no short cuts. You have to go through every excruciating process to learn. Kaya hindi puwede 'yong gusto mo. Wala kang matututunan, kaya hindi ka pinapayagang umalis ng mga pinto."

"So, 'yon ang dapat kong matutunan?"

"No. What you learned tonight as hard as it is for you to admit is reliance. You've been through a lot, I understand, but you've been so consumed with despair you forgot how it is to need someone. You've been so you used to being alone in that little space you created around you, you thought you don't need anyone anymore. You've been so independent that you pushed people away, even people that cared about you a lot."

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Bakit ba ako naapektuhan ng mga salita niya? Dahil totoo ang mga iyon? No! Baka ginagamitan niya lang ako ng mahika.

"But you're wrong, Denice. So painfully wrong. You do need people in your life. No one can be alone so long that they forget how it is to have someone in their life, to have someone to rely on. When you were so scared and you opened that door, it led you to the place you needed the most."

Tumawa ako nang pagak para pagaanin ang nararamdaman ko, pero wala iyong naitulong. "Sa courtyard? Para panoorin ko ang mga bituin?"

Ms. Anna shook her head. She had that understanding look on her face despite the sarcasm in my voice. "It led you to a place where you can find what you needed. Not only a safe haven but also where you can find the warm soothing of a mother and the help of a sister. Your mother when she was still alive was always there to provide you comfort, like what Aling Salve gave you. Your sister, she was your confidante, your guide, your motivator and Rita represented her in the courtyard."

Napamaang ako. Naalala ko si Rita at 'yong may edad na babae. That woman, I remembered thinking she was like my mom. Her voice, her warmth, her—I shook my head harshly.

"Then what about him? Bakit nandito siya? How is it even possible?" tanong ko nang maalala ko ang bagay na gumugulo pa rin sa akin.

"You needed a little push."

"Push?" I asked in disbelief.

Tumango siya. "If he hadn't shown up, you would spend the entire night opening closets and storage rooms. He was there as a reminder. Paalala ng mga kahinaan mo; ng mga takot. Paalala na minsan may mga bagay na hindi natin kailangang harapin mag-isa."

"Don't you think it's a bit too much?"

Ms. Anna just shrugged. "Maybe so. Pero nandito ka ngayon sa silid ko, ang ibig sabihin lang no'n kailangan mo 'ko. That's the only way you could have found me. It means it worked."

"This is all insane," I announced after a moment. Dammit, I wish I never asked those questions. My head felt like it's going to explode with all those information. My already fucked up world had just gone a whole lot crazier. So, I think it's understandable if right now I wanted some peace and quiet; if right now I just wanted to be alone.

I wasn't even shocked when suddenly I reached for the door still in a haze, but before I could stepped outside she called me.

"Have a good night sleep, Den."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko sa inis at tuluyan ng lumabas. However, the weirdness just wouldn't stop, because the moment I stepped out I found myself in front of my blue door.