Storm Prophecies

Apologies and Fuck Yous: Mr. Hollywood

The first apology goes to you Mr. Hollywood,

The strangest pairing and yet the first failing.

I was so completely young and naïve

That I had no idea you had fallen.

You were fallen and trapped in the web that I weaved

And yet I would stop to chat

With the boy that was wrapped

In my entangling web of awkwardness.

When you confessed your adoration,

Tears of panic and confusion fell in waves.

I cried for the duration of your narration of loving feelings,

Thanking some god for where I was at,

For an online chat saved us both

From an embarrassing display

Of blubbering disarray and floundering emotions.

Naivety and a new, unexplainable fear

Led me to lie and lay it on thick,

Saying that I liked you back, My Dear.

That is the start of the loop keeping me trapped,

Never giving slack, and always losing track

Of where I’ve started and begun again.

Had I never happened to have this horrible moment,

Years of hate and self-loathing would have abated

With the created lies and inflated words of lackluster honey.

Two years too long I kept this up,

But no harm was done because only once

Did we leave the confines of the Web.

Through the ebb and flow and nonexistent emotions

Came the realization that things weren’t changing

And my thoughts were ranging to the future

And to the stings of upcoming changes.

I was too sheltered and too shaded,

Already on the path to becoming jaded.

I knew I wasn’t helping you

Unless I was singing the song of Illusions Long Faded.

So I took a step back, and another and another,

Saying goodbyes and imagining your eyes

Behind a rose colored computer screen,

Bewildered and surprised.

I still have your Shakespeare and your Watchmen

Crammed on a shelf between my favorite horror film

And a shitty two buck movie I bought out of impulse.

I apologize for the lies and promises of return,

But for a time I worked under the guise

That I would turn back to see if the repulse was still pulsing.

Though I trade cruelty for rhyme

Because during all of that time,

When I had betrayed you with myself,

You were never afraid to be

The Dark Knight in Shining Armor I wanted see.

So to you, I say I’m sorry.

Forgive me for my shortcomings

And for the web I trapped you in for two long years.

We’ve both grown and moved on,

But neither of us left unmarked

By the illusions long since faded.