Jho's POV
-I Don't know how to love-
I don't know which is harder;
loving someone
or letting yourself be loved.
Do I let people in out
of a lust for being loved
or do I let people in as form of self harm?
Awaiting the eventual destruction
Awaiting the eventual pain
Awaiting the downfall.
Sick and twisted enjoyment
in allowing myself to be a victim
I don't know why I do it.
I don't know which is harder;
Someone trying to love me
or me trying to love someone.
---
Ilang buwan narin ang lumipas mula ng umalis si Bea. Walang pasabi, ni wala ngang pagkamusta. Nung una akala ko hindi ko kaya. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na unti unti kang nauupos? Na inaantay mo nalang isang araw na wala na. Lahat ng paghihirap mo, tapos na.
Pero naisip ko, hindi pala nawawala yung sakit. Palagi cyang andyan. Nakasanayan nalang pala natin.
Minsan kelangan mong hanapin mismo yung sarili mo kapag wala ka ng matatakbuhan.
Minsan pala kailangan mong amining mahina ka para maging malakas ka.
Sabi nga sa isang pelikula,
Minsan kailangan nating masaktan para malaman nating buhay tayo.
Mahal parin kita, Bea.
Ikaw ang palagi sa lahat ng minsan.
Ikaw ang tula na aking sinusulat.
Ikaw yung barkong handa ng maglayag.
At ako..
Ako ang parola na laging naiiwan mo kapag naglalayag kana.
Nung una sabi ko sa sarili ko kapit lang. Mahal ka nya, nung una nga bumalik cya dba? Pero ngayon, parang hindi ko na kaya mag-antay. Ni hindi ako sigurado kung alam nyang inaantay ko cya.
Tama na, siguro panahon na para bigyan ko naman ng pagkakataon yung taong kahit kelan, hindi nawala. Hindi ako iniwan at naghintay.
Madali lang naman sigurong turuan ang pusong magmahal. Sana..
---
Bea's POV
Finally, I'm going home..
FLASHBACK:
I know it's been months since I've visited my social apps. As much as I wanted to, but I just don't wanna read anything regarding Jho. Bear with me,I still love the girl. And I'm sure the moment I saw just one picture, I might, no, I will be destroying my own defense and fly back just to hug her.
But now, I really don't know what's gotten into me, I opened my instagram and the very first thing I saw was the photo posted by Marci captioned:
"And she said yes! 💍"
There, at the photo was Marci and Jho looking happy on a date I supposed, Marci was hugging Jho from the back while Jho, was displaying her hand with the engagement ring.
That was the perfect hint. I'm going back.
Ring...
Ring...
Marci Calling...
Bea - "hi lil' bro!"
Marci - "oh noooo not so little anymore ate! Comehome! You need to meet her.."
