Substance over Styles | H.S.

XXXI. Benvenuto

Hiya!

A new update! I know it's quite a late one, but again I had trouble with getting things on paper. You know that feeling where you know what's going to happen in bullet points, but you have no idea how to pack it up and present it?

By the way, this is legit one of my favourite cities in the world (I'm not going to tell you which city just yet, but maybe you've already guessed it, lol)! The hotel you see in the picture is the one I went to when I was there and it was the best thing ever. Honestly I felt so posh, it was like a dream.

Anyway, enjoy!

~*~

My mind was split up into two teams, two teams I couldn't reconcile with each other at the moment which was driving me into insanity. On the one hand, I wasn't so mad anymore about what had happened and what in particular Harry had done, or better, what he hadn't done. I trusted him which was quite the achievement. Finally, after so many years, I learned to trust someone other than my parents and I meant really trusting someone. A trust that automatically was linked with a deep love. A feeling that whatever can happen to you, whatever bad event can turn your whole life upside down, you know you can always fall back on this one person who keeps your heart safe.

Even though this person can do whatever he or she wants with your heart and ultimately break it into a zillion pieces, I didn't think about those consequences. Because what Harry and I had was simply right and good. Maybe I trusted him too much, but he was someone too beautiful to give up. I decided for myself that I rather wanted to end up broken to the bone, then to not enjoy this ride of love to the fullest out of fear. So not giving Harry my one hundred percent, my whole heart and my everything, was not an option.

I was very well aware of me being the guardian of his heart too. I owned his heart too and it was the most valuable thingI owned. So I wasn't going to break it, but I was going to cherish it. Because it was something that couldn't be thrown away, nor be broken or hurt in any way possible. I wouldn't let it, even if it cost me everything.

What we had was this special and this pure and no one was going to take that away from us.

Now the other team in my mind wasn't dealing so well with the recent events. My mind kept on wondering, if he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me, why didn't he prevent Sarah from approaching him like that? Did he really see no harm in all of it? If so, what on earth was I getting myself into? Was I going to have to watch his every move in other to not let what we had fall into water by carelessness on his part? Did our 'us' mean that little to him? That just could not be.

Yet maybe, just maybe, there's a possibility of old wounds being wrapped open once again after so may years. Maybe I was so scared of seeing the same thing happen in front of my eyes as what happened that one time with Jeremy Madden. Maybe seeing Sarah Parker -- of all people-- hitting on the man I was not only having a huge crush on, but feeling something so deep for, was enough to tip me over and turn my mind into a safe haven for hysterical people.

But what I kept on forgetting to think of fifteen minutes ago, was the humungous differences between this events now and back in secondary school. One, we were talking about Harry Styles, not Jeremy Madden. We were talking about a guy who actually wanted me. Two, for some inexplicable reason Sarah was being nice, which obviously she wasn't before. Was she being nice now because she regretted everything she had done to me? Or was it because she finally grew up and got some sense kicked into her brain?

Nobody knew.

The only thing I knew for sure, was that the more I was thinking about my sweet, loving boyfriend and everything we had done together, the more I forgot about dear old Sarah Parker and her stupid schemes. The past was the past. A fact was that I seemed to think that quote a lot, but it was essential for becoming a better person. The reminders of the truth had to guide me to a place where I eventually really could leave it all behind, not only saying it. My thoughts were interrupted by a deep sigh and a low voice.