The Bad Boy Effect

Chapter 36: Funeral

It's hard. It's hard standing outside in the beautiful sunshine, with the birds chirping and singing all around, while you watch everyone mourn together. Everyone mourn over their mutual friend or loved one or even coworker. It's hard watching your mother's funeral. Everything about this is hard.

I feel like God betrayed us. He blessed us with beautiful weather when it should be pouring rain. Nothing should be beautiful today. It doesn't feel right. There's a lot of people here; more than I thought there would be. Even though it's sunny and warm, everywhere I look, I see the color black. My dad, Cole, my friends. Everyone from the gang came today to show respect. They all have grim looks on their faces. Even Arran, which surprises me even though it shouldn't. It is a funeral after all.

Funeral.

That word leaves a nasty taste in my mouth even though I haven't spoken. I haven't said a word at all. I've listened as Dad gave his speech, and then Cole, and then mom's coworker Louise, and then Debra who was crying up a storm. Her makeup was smeared and I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. She couldn't care less whether my mom was dead or alive. The only reason she is crying is because they are one trophy wife short now.

Everyone goes on about how Mom was so beautiful and young; how she had such a big life ahead of her and how it was a true tragedy that she was gone. I hold my knotted hands in my lap as I watch. My mouth is in a thin line, my eyes clear of any emotion. I hate crying in front of people. Crying is something you save for when you're on your own.

I know, I know.

I'm being a hypocrite.

Dad's face is beat red and tears are pouring out of his eyes. He holds my grandmother's hand and they mourn together. Cole sits there, his eyes almost as hollow as mine. I feel Arran rest his hand on my knee, trying to comfort me, but I ignore it. If I open my mouth, I will cry.

When everyone is done speaking they all look at me, waiting for me to say something.The priest holds a mic out to me but I refuse it. I can only stare at my mother's coffin which is wide open. I can see some roses sticking up, but I don't see anything else. Once the priest gives up on making me talk, we are all given a rose to put in the coffin. I know people usually do it on the outside, but we wanted to spice things up, I guess you could say.

Dad is the first to set the rose down, and then my grandmother, and then Cole. It slowly goes down the line, but I simply sit in my chair. I want to go last. One by one, they set the rose in and then walk over to the white tables to have something to eat before we bury the coffin. I find it sick and twisted that people can eat with a dead body not even twenty feet away from them.

Finally it's my turn. Arran stands there, waiting for me. He watches me silently, not saying anything or making any contact with me. I stand over my mother's body, the rose held tightly in my hand. I take a good look at her and try to study her features one last time.

They dressed her up which I don't like. They put her in a white silk gown, putting eyeliner and false eyelashes onto her face. They highlighted her cheekbones and combed back her chestnut brown hair. It lays in soft brown curls on her shoulders. She always kept her hair short. They put ruby red lipstick on her and they gave her a smoky eye.

She doesn't look like my mother, but I can't look away. Her skin is as white as the gown, and her arms are very slim. The bouquet of roses is tied around her hands, but they have it positioned so that it looks like she is holding them. On her feet she wears white flats. I feel the tears well up as my lower lip shakes. As I set the rose down by her hands, I start to hum the melody that she use to hum to me. I faintly remember the words, so I hum a few verses.

Hush my darling, close your eyes

Let me sing you this lullaby

Give in to sleep, don't mind the dark

I'll hold your hand while you hold my heart

Scary it might be, but don't worry little one

When the sun comes up, it'll be a new dawn.

Hush my darling, close your eyes

Let me sing you this lullaby

As I finish singing, my voice cracks and my knees lock. I would have fallen if it hadn't been for Arran. He holds me close as I tighten my grip on his shirt. What I would give just to have her sing that to me one last time. Arran strokes my back softly and I pull myself together. I must stay strong.

I clear my throat and Arran and I sit back down as everyone gathers around. They close the coffin lid and two men in gray suits pick it up, their muscles bulging through the sleeves of their suits. They slowly and softly set her down into the ground and then start to shovel dirt onto the lid. I watch sadly as the coffin disappears slowly, my mother going along with it.

"Goodbye." I whisper as one last tear escapes from me.

A/N: I know this is probably the shortest chapter I've ever written but I didn't want to make the funeral a really big scene. I still got all teared up as I wrote this though. UGHHH CURSE MY EMOTIONS! Anyway, please don't forget to vote and comment on your favorite part! Until next time loves <3