I went months without talking, singing, playing, dancing. I felt no need to do any of those things anymore. It was as if the memories from my past cornered me and took away my freedom.
My notifications were in the millions. People wanted me to sing. They wanted a new video. Hate was being shot at me from every direction, but nothing inside me had the courage to stand out from the crowd anymore. I wanted to be the same. I didn't want to be different. My past made me dirty. I wasn't clean. I never felt clean.
During these months Wes forced me to sit in a quiet room with his ex girlfriend. She talked to me about post traumatic stress syndrome and other survivors, but nothing made me want to talk. I didn't want to be in a room with her. She made me feel damaged, inferior, and worthless. It always felt like there was someone in my head screaming. I almost always had a headache. My hands would shake and I could barely hold down a full meal.
It had been six months. By this time my father had been found and taken back to jail in New York. My grandfather was also arrested for rape. The news of my attack had been released to the media through an unknown source and everyone seemed to be talking about it. My notification inbox had exploded, but I never opened any messages. I rarely touched my phone and I never visited the studio.
I didn't want to be in front of a camera. People from the news were emailing me, asking for an interview, but I never responded. I didn't want people to see me for who I really was. I didn't want people to know about my past. I didn't want people to know about Sara Konner, but now everyone knew.
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One more.Book two will be published the tomorrow with the last chapter :)
Can anyone guess which Smosh Games member is next?
-R
YOU ARE READING
YouTube's Princess (Westheeditor)
FanfictionStephanie's traumatic past is resurfaced when she meets and begins connecting with the new editor on the team. Stephanie Kyle: The most-watched artist on YouTube. Wesley Johnson: The editor.