A/N:
I can't bear it anymore
The bear roams the woods
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The bare minimum
Bare your teeth
Bare tabletop
The fifth edition of the volume
Limited edition boxed set
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Subtraction and addition
An addition to the house
In addition to all that
Cause and effect
We can effect a change
Personal effects
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Affect the outcome
Affect a fake accent
Project a happy affect
"I wish I could stay forever." I release him and step back just enough that I can look at him without craning my neck.
"Please."
"I want to. I have things to take care of though, and people."
"But not me," he sighs.
No. Not him. I tried so hard to take care of him, but even when I stopped taking care of myself, it wasn't enough. I was doing everything wrong. He had stopped taking care of me a long time before that.
"I'm sorry." I feel terrible. "I have to go. Can I meet you tomorrow evening?"
"If you're in Utah." Tour isn't resuming for a while, but I guess he has other recording and performing obligations. That was too fast. "Or how about Tuesday, in Arizona? I don't remember what states I'll be in on Wednesday or Thursday, but there are at least three. Mitch, I'm not asking you to stay forever. Just a little longer. I missed you. I won't argue with you. There's too little time for that."
If he missed me, why didn't he ever pick up when I called? I pull out my phone and dial him, tapping in each digit of the number I memorized when I was in eighth grade and he moved on to Martin High. He watches curiously. His phone starts ringing, and I pull it out of his back pocket. Maybe I shouldn't have. What would Kirstie say? I didn't even think twice. I need to be more careful.
After a bit of fiddling, I'm ready. I hold it up and record. "Ring, ring, ring. Pick your phone up. Ring, ring, ring. What's taking you so long? Ring, ring, ring. Answer your 🍓 phone, 🍓, before I 🍓🍓 to 🍓🍓🍓🍒🍓. Ring, ring." I assign the ringtone to my number so that he'll have no choice but to answer if it starts going off in front of anyone else. He's covering his mouth with his hands, and even my ears are feeling a little pink. "I want to stay. I really do. I'll call you. Send me your itinerary if you can so I know what times are good. Scott, I need to go, like, two minutes ago." I start to leave, and he follows as far as the stairway. "Oh, and if you send me your music in high-def, I'll love you forever."
"I'll hold you to that." He won't have to. "But you shouldn't listen to it."
"Too late. Please," I beg as I open the door, "with a cherry on top." I close it behind me before he answers and I hurry home. I want to welcome Alex back with a hug and a kiss and an apology, not an empty house.
I'm lucky he's not already here when I return, but no later than I resume practicing do I hearken to his arrival. I step outside to see him sooner, and when his car stops beside mine, I seize the opportunity to open his door for him like he so often does for me. "Welcome back." I lean down and peck his check before letting him out.
He pulls himself up, and there's a lag in his smile and a darkness in his eyes. "You tired?" I wish I'd noticed it before he left, but he was pretty nervous and excited during our call. Jake shouldn't have let him drive, though.
"Hmm, guess so." This is his drowsy voice. His tone gets lower and softer and less inflected. He sounds like he could drop right now.
"I'm glad you're home safe. You shouldn't get behind the wheel like this, Lexi. It's just as dangerous as driving under the influence. Let's get you a nap."
"I'll get more coffee."
"I'll be here when you wake up. It'll be okay."
"We should talk."
"We will, once you're all here." I take him upstairs and draw the curtains to shut out the bright California sun. "Sweet dreams." I arrange his blankets and go to kiss his forehead. Somehow, with his eyes already shut, he tilts his head up just in time to meet my lips with his. What an adorable dork. The kiss leaves a little smile in his cheeks as he curls up. I sit on the corner of the bed and watch him settle in. He never seems quite comfortable.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
My singing usually makes him want to listen, but he was wired to go to sleep to this song since before he knew the meaning of the words. He's out like a light by the last verse. I got a good night's sleep last night at Scott's house while he was up all night worrying about me because my stupid text didn't send. And what about the night before? He was probably worried about confronting Scott.
"Mitch."
"Yes?"
"Mitch. Mitch. Don't. M..."
"Shhh. I'm here." He's just sleep talking. He does it the most when he's stressed.
"Gentle."
"Of course."
"Don't hurt me."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry. Sorry." I rest a hand on his shoulder and hum softly, but he just keeps apologizing pathetically.
"It's okay. It's okay now."
"Goodbye," he breathes.
It's two in the afternoon and I have work to do, but I stay, and I tell him, "I love you," until the nightmares pass.
After another two hours of practice, I've succeeded in at least planning my approach to the upcoming week's scenes. I'd rather have every movement memorized, but this will have to be good enough. I go back up to check on Alex. The door creaks open, and he mumbles, "Missed you."
"Missed you too." I think some of it gets through to his dreams.
"C'mere Scotty."
