Just A Girl Named River

Is It Really True?

I am so stunned at what I have just heard from Jackson. I don't believe it's true. I turn around and walk outside. I can hear my name being called but I don't stop. I run to my car and get in it and leave. This can't be true. Why does my life have to be so confusing, and messed up?

I drive. I drive for a while. I have no idea where I am going and I probably shouldn't be driving. I should stop and cry. But I have to get far, far away. I need to put distance between me and the world. I need to be alone. I don't know how long I need to be alone but I do.

I can hear my phone going off, but I really don't want to talk to anyone. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the information I was just given. I know if they want to come to me they can. I mean they can track my phone. But I am hoping that I can have some space.

I get on the highway where it is flat and hit high speeds. I can still feel the tears pour down my face and dripping down into my lap. Is there anyone in on this planet that is actually worried about me? Or is everyone out to get me?

I decide I need some music and turn on my music player on my phone. I want the pain I am feeling to just go away. I want to feel better. I want to be a normal eighteen-year-old. Maybe I want to be someone else.

I listen to what comes on. Oh, it makes me sing. It's an angry song. But it will help me feel better.

But you want to justify

Rippin' someone's head off

No human contact

And if you interact

Your life is on contract

Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

It's just one of those days

I start to get lost in the music playing, and driving that I totally lose track of where I am going and what time it is. Truthfully, I am unsure why I am still awake anyway. It has to be from everything I am feeling inside of me right now. I don't even know what to do, or where to begin with the feelings I am having.

My stomach starts to growl. I look at the time and look up to see a sign. Victorville. I pull off the highway, and go through a fast-food place and grab some food. I see a hotel and decide I need to get some sleep. So I pull into the parking lot. I figure out that I am in California.

I get the room for the rest of the night, plus tomorrow night. I don't want to have to get up in a few hours to drive back. I mean if I choice to. I get my room key and head up to my room. I thank myself for stashing a bag in truck for just in case. It has a few outfits in it, an extra phone charger along with a spare laptop.

I get in my room and it is your typical room. King size bed, a desk with a phone, dresser, a couple of night stands and a flat screen tv. It isn't as fancy as where I was staying. But I just need to get some sleep. Truthfully it is nice to night be somewhere super fancy. This will be a nice break.

I figured I should let someone know what was going on. I really don't want to worry the guys, or talk to them right now. I also don't want anyone to show up at the door to gather me back. I need to have time to think about everything that is going on in my head, and the whole situation at hand. I send Gramma and Poppy a message.

Text:

I have checked into a room in California. I need to sometime to process this. I am ok and will keep in touch with you so you know I am ok. I am going to sleep.

I don't wait for a reply but I do double check all the locks on everything to ensure no one can get in. I close my curtains tight so no one can see that I am in here. Plus, when the sun comes up I don't want to see it. I want to be able to sleep. I climb into bed and try to go to sleep. Maybe a good night sleep will make things clearer?