Fat Chance

The First Call

The car ride home was silent. Turns out my Dad was actually SUPER annoyed at having to come pick me up for school. I apologized and asked him if he was in the middle of something, because I did genuinely feel bad for interrupting his day off. 

And you know what he said? 

"No, Quinn, I was not busy. Of course I wasn't busy! It's my day off, why would I ruin it by making plans?" He sighed. "The whole point of today was to relax and not have any responsibilities. I just thought I could trust you to be a big girl and take the bus home."

I rolled my eyes. He has two kids and a psychotic wife, how the hell could he ever think that he could relax and have no responsibilities? I was so pissed I could just scream, but I didn't want to drive him to smoke again so I just stayed quiet. 

As soon as I got home, I slipped downstairs to the dungeon and connected my iPod to wifi. Dozens and dozens of notifications came in from kik, some from the Facebook app where I was always logged into my personal account (mainly just game requests and birthday reminders) and a whole bunch from my email (mostly just spam) 

I opened Alecia's Facebook and spent a whole five minutes looking through her friend and follow requests, mostly having to decline most of them. Then I went to her messages and deleted the vast majority of them, only responding to five of them, again, only people that Alecia usually talked to on a regular basis, some of them kik regulars. After about ten minute total, I logged out of Alecia's account and switched over to her kik. 

Her kik had over 50 new chats since I had last checked it (last night) in addition to having over 20 new messages from people Alecia already had in her chat list. I groaned. I started really resenting ever putting Alecia's kik out there as much as I did, because sorting through new messages was really annoying. Plus I was already plenty happy with the amount of people I already had in her chat list. So I really had no clue why I kept publicizing it as often as I did. 

The new messages would have to wait to be sorted through for another day; I needed to see what was happening with Wyatt. 

I scrolled down to where Wyatt had last messaged me.

"Good morning beautiful :)" he had messaged. 

In spite of myself, I smiled. Even though he wasn't calling ME beautiful, I allowed myself to feel as though he was for a few moments. 

The feeling quickly vanished when I realized the truth. Wyatt didn't like me. He liked the pretty blonde girl with gorgeous eyes and a sexy body. He didn't like Quinn, the severely obese child with an ugly fat acne studded face and greasy, cheaply box dyed hair. The two were very different, and  I was fooling myself thinking I could let this go on any longer. 

Wyatt was gonna find out the truth eventually, and I figured that I should be the one to tell him. No better time then the present. 

But we all knew I couldn't do that. 

I was too much of a goddamn pussy to ever do anything brave or honest like that. Besides, I would be heart broken if he didn't want me anymore, even though I've always known that would be the case. 

I just....didn't want to quit what I was doing. Alecia had become apart of me, whether I liked it or not. I had become to addicted to the feeling of feeling wanted...of feeling beautiful and special and skinny and everything I knew I could never feel. And all I wanted...all I NEEDED was my fix. Everyday. And I knew I could never get it on my own. 

So I had to keep doing this. 

Pretending. 

And thats what I was thinking about right when Wyatt messaged me.