Fat Chance

Bad and Boujee

The most fucking satisfying thing in the whole goddamn world is having a fancy ass hotel room all to yourself. 

The room that I booked had two king sized beds in it, which I didn't even need, but it was definitely a perk. That means that I could spread all my clothes and shit (even though I only had one suitcase and one small carry on with me) all over one of the beds and sleep in the other. 

The reason why I decided to book and pay for a room that had two king beds when I only really needed a room with one queen, is because only rooms with two king beds came with a big ass jacuzzi, which was the only reason I decided to splurge and stay in fancy hotel.

This hotel was like 200-300 dollars PER NIGHT but I literally had around 15 thousand dollars in my bank account, so this wasn't even going to make a dent in my money. Why not treat myself?

My flight came into San Francisco at about 3 am, so by the time I Ubered from the airport to my hotel downtown, it was almost 4:30 am and I was exhausted. 

But even though my body was super tired, I just couldn't fall asleep. And it wasn't because I wasn't comfortable. Because HOLY SHIT THESE BEDS WERE FUCKING AMAZING. And even though I usually hated sheets with a passion, these ones were so nice. Not to mention that everything was super soft, but not too soft. Soft with a bit of firmness, just like my dick. 

So after an hour of trying to sleep, I gave up and decided to take a jacuzzi bath. 

Everything about this hotel room was fancy as fuck. There was a fucking MINI BAR filled with snacks and ALCOHOL (yes, my fake ID I used to check in said I was over 21. why? because I'm smart, fuck you.) There was also a huge ass walk in closet, huge windows that had the best view of downtown San Francisco, and a HUGE fucking HUGE flatscreen smart TV. I really outdid myself with finding the BEST hotel room in the entire city. 

Like I said, everything about this hotel was fancy as fuck. And the bathroom was no exception. 

First of all, the bathroom was AT LEAST five times the size of my dungeon back home. The ceiling and walls were covered in grey and white tiles, the floor covered with marbled stone. Also covering the ceiling were tiny spotlights, illuminating the whole area in different ways.             

A huge two sink counter with a ginormous full sized mirror was along the side of the right wall as you walk in, and another huge counter filled the left wall, both made of black and white marble stone. A glass walk-in shower was off to the middle right side of the room, decked out completely in lights. 

The jacuzzi sat in the middle back of the room. 

Just to give you a bit of an image in your mind, this jacuzzi was so big, that it could fit three of me. Which might not seem that big to you out of context, but remember, I'm literally 400 lbs. Being able to fit even ONE of me ANYWHERE is quite a feat, so this jacuzzi's size was nothing to sneeze at. 

The jacuzzi was made completely out of black and white marbled stone, the chrome jets gleaming under the lights. 

I undressed (sorry for giving you that picture in your head) and dimmed the lights so that it'd be easier for me to relax. 

I started running the water in the jacuzzi, letting the water reach an inch above the jets before I either got in or started the jets. 

While waiting for the water to fill, I looked at myself in the mirror. I usually avoided looking at my naked body, especially in a huge mirror like this one, but I felt like I needed a reality check, I needed something to ground me, to make me remember that I'm still a terrible person. 

Looking in the mirror, I saw a miserable person looking back at me. I saw someone with black hair (blonde roots already starting to grow back), bags under her sad green eyes, and with a hell of a lot of flaws. 

Stretch marks, acne in places there shouldn't be acne, redness, bulging veins, saggy boobs, cellulite, moles, hair, and everything else gross that could possibly be on one body. 

But for the first time in awhile, I also saw some really good characteristics about myself. 

I saw my heart come out. I saw my good intentions. I saw my potential. I saw what I once was. 

And even though all of those things were buried under 400+ lbs of fat, and many layers of ugly, I could see it. And that gave me hope that maybe someday, somebody else could see that in me as well. No matter what I looked like. 

The warm water and the jets of the jacuzzi washed away my tears. They washed away the dirt and grime of the day. They washed away the oil on my face and in my hair. But there was one thing they couldn't wash away. 

They couldn't wash away my pain. 

They couldn't wash away my mistakes, they couldn't wash away my regrets.

Which, let me assure you, I wasn't expecting them to do. If they could, fuck, they'd be some magical ass water and jets.

But even though they didn't wash away any of that, they did make it a little bit more bearable. 

And by the time I was ready to lay down in bed and go to sleep, I was easily able to drift off into a comfortable sleep.