Fat Chance

Black Sheep

The rest of my weekend consisted of me locking myself in The Dungeon and watching all of Onisions videos on YouTube. I barely left my room, and when I did, it was just to go to the bathroom or sneak food. My parents were gone a lot, because unlike me, they have lives. Mom went to work at the post office nearly everyday while also taking yoga  classes every Monday, Thursday and Saturday. She obviously can't take Alex with her to work and yoga, so she takes him to a friend of hers who does daycare.

My Dad is a manager at a hardware store, so he's gone nearly all the time, which I am fine with. But my mom isn't. If they aren't fighting about me, they're fighting over him working so much.

"How can you not realize how much you are missing out on at home? Alex starting eating solid foods today and you didn't even get to see it. He needs his father at home with me. And Quinn.....Alex needs a father figure in his life..."

That's pretty much all that happens. My mom yells at him for an hour or two and than goes and takes a bath or something. Dad doesn't really do much to stop her from yelling, doesn't even apologize or promise to do better, which is his first mistake. I wish I could tell him this, and I wish that he would listen if I did. But unfortunately, me and my parents don't have much of a relationship anymore, which i'm honestly okay with. The only thing I want is to get to know Alex.

I had been alone in dealing with my parents until he came along, and if i'm being completely honest, he is the reason why my parents are still together. If it weren't for Alex, I would be in a foster home and my parents would be who knows where. The main reason why I want to get to know Alex more is because I want to know why everyone thinks he is so special.

Everyone who has ever laid eyes on the child thinks he's Gods gift to earth or something, and even though I love him, I don't understand how he's anything another than a normal two year old. With the way that things are going with my parents now, It seems like I'll never truly get a chance to know Alex. He'll probably grow up learning to hate me, just like my parents do. But than again, who doesn't hate me?

By the time both of my parents are home, I've already showered (which I hate doing more than anything) and gotten my stuff together for school the next day. I could hear my family upstairs, laughing and talking. I felt like an outsider in my own home, like I didn't belong here, which I was actually starting to believe was true. Maybe my parents had taken the wrong baby home from the hospital or maybe I was dumped on their doorstep when I was little and they felt like they had to keep me. Whatever happened, I know I couldn't have possibly been born into this family. I look nor act anything like any member of my family.

Aside from the fact that I am clearly very obese, I have light hair, light skin and the color of my eyes is a light shade of green. Meanwhile, both my mom, my dad, and Alex have dark hair, darker colored skin, and brown eyes (except for my dad, he has hazel eyes) Me being their biological child doesn't scientifically make any sense. Where the fuck did my blonde hair come from? I can maybe see where my green eyes came from, since Dads hazel eyes have sort of a green tint to them, but still. My eyes are a DEFINITE green. It's not just a tint, it's full on green. Also, no matter how much I try, I can't tan. On the other hand, both of my parents remain tan, even if they don't see an ounce of sunlight for weeks. My pale skin just cannot absorb sunlight.

Even though I have been suspecting I don't belong (biologically) to my parents for a while now, I have never had the courage to ask them about it. Part of me is scared to find out the truth. Because if I'm not where I'm supposed to be, then what's the point of continuing on? I already don't belong personality and appearance wise, it would be the straw that breaks the camels back if I didn't genetically belong. I'm already the black sheep of the family, whats going to be next? If Alex hadn't come along, what would have happened to me? Would I be in a foster home? A fat camp? Would I have taken my own life? That's what I was thinking about before I had drifted off into a heavy sleep, hours before the rest of my family.