Fat Chance

The Crazy, Psychotic Teacher

I sat in my seat staring at the clock, nearly shaking with anxiety. Fifth period was 5 minutes from letting out, and that means that I was, at a maximum of, 12 minutes from entering Ms. Mortiellos class to start on my project.

I had basically tuned out the entire lecture because of my excitement, even to the point of ignoring Stella's ranting of ANOTHER boy she had been seeing.

"And then, he totally tried to hook up with me, using the totally-not-pedophiliac-sounding pickup lines and everything!"

She went on like this for a full 20 minutes before looking over and realizing that all I had been doing all hour was staring at the clock and biting my nails. I hadn't even taken out my notebook.

Stella picked up her textbook and flipped through it, pretending to read the different pages.

"Oh, would you look at this." she said. "Turns out Louis the III was the first person to ride a flying unicorn through space while having sex with the ugly Kardashian sister. Interesting."

I rolled my eyes and threw my pen cap at her.

Stella laughed. "Just making sure you were listening."

I slouched in my seat and sighed. "That's the thing. I'm not really feeling it today. I mean, I feel this way nearly everyday, but it's mostly manageable. The only reason I willingly got out of bed this morning is because I was excited to start thinking about and working on my pottery project. Otherwise I really have no motivation in life. Just think about how many days of work or college I'll miss when I grow up. I'm a fucking failure man."

Mr. Reed stopped his ramblings about god knows what and turned to look at us. "Looks we've got a couple of comedians in this classroom. Mind telling us whats so funny?"

I groaned. We weren't even fucking laughing. This is the reason why I despised this class. Mr. Reed never made even an ounce of sense. Everything he says is just one big giant mess and I'm getting sick of it. At first it was funny and everybody laughed, but now its just fucking annoying. 

Neither me nor Stella said anything, not wanting to add fuel to the fire. But it turns out that we did the opposite. 

Seeing this as his opportunity to make his comedic debut, Mr. Reed walked over to our desks, crouched down so he was at eye level with us, and lay his head down sideways on my desk.

"Come on, girls; I'm your pal! You can tell me your secrets!" He started to tilt his head back and forth with his chin resting on the fingers of his interlaced hands. "C'mon!" he called in a mocking high pitched tone. "Spill the beannnnnssss!" 

I looked over at Stella and couldn't believe what I saw. She was smiling. SMILING. As if there was anything funny about what was happening. 

When she noticed me glaring at her, Stella mouthed "I'm Sorry." I just shook my head, pretending to be more upset then I actually was, 

"Oh whats this?" asked Mr. Reed. "More secrets? And your not including me?" He pretended to fake cry. Finally, he said, "Very well then, I'll be here when your ready. Now can anybody tell me when the Revolutionary War ended?" The teacher walked back up to the front of the room, ready to find his next victim.

I breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at the clock just as the bell rang.

Mr. Reed yelled at the class about something, but I didn't hear him as I gathered my stuff and made a beeline for the art room.