Fat Chance

Crazy

For the first time in nearly a month, I opened up the Kik Messenger app on my iPod. 

Because it had been so long and because Alecia had received so many messages in that amount of time, it took about 5 minutes for the app to catch up and load everything I had missed. 

As things loaded and messages popped up, I recognized some of the names, some of were new. Some of the message previews interested me, some of them didn't. 

But Wyatt's name or message thread didn't pop up until the very last minute before the messages were all done being loaded, because the last message he had sent was two minutes ago. 

I inhaled deeply, then took the plunge and opened our message thread.

I closed my eyes and scrolled upwards 20 times, just to insure I didn't read any of his newer messages without context. 

Finally, I opened my eyes and began reading. 

"Alecia?"

"Alecia, please answer me. I don't care if you don't want to see me...I just want to know that I haven't upset you."

This kind of talk went on for several weeks and several messages, more of him saying "I'm sorry" more of him saying "I love you" and lots of "Alecia??"

But the message that caught my attention the absolute most was the one sent only a few days ago. 

"Alecia, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I know this may upset you, but I decided to go ahead and buy a roundtrip ticket out to California to see you for Spring Break. I have not heard from you in nearly a month and this has been the hardest month ever for me. I need to see you. I have enough money for everything, hotel, transportation, food. All I want from you is to be able to see you at least once while I am there. Please let me know if you are willing to do so."

My heart dropped to my stomach as I tried to convince myself he was joking. "He's joking," I told myself over and over again. "No one would so stupid as to do something like that, right? RIGHT?"

The messages left after that were just as bad.

"Only 2 weeks left until I come to see you! SO excited! I can't wait until I can hug you and kiss you for real!"

"Can't stop thinking about you Alecia...I wish you would just answer my messages...guarantee me that you will see me in California...But all I can do is hope. Sweet Dreams :)"

My head was spinning and I felt super nauseous. Was he serious? He couldn't be serious.

That was the last message sent from Wyatt to Alecia, and honestly, I was very unhappy with my decision to check her Kik messages. Because I feel like I could have gone without knowing this.

But now that I had read his messages, I couldn't stop thinking about it, whether or not what he said was true or not. Something told me he wasn't  being truthful, but then again, what if he was being serious? What if he HAD bought a plane ticket to California to see Alecia?

As I went through the rest of my day, that was all I thought about. I stood under the stream of hot water in the shower, unable to do anything but think about how terrible of a person I am.

Seriously, who did this type of thing for fucking FUN? Like, who just broke peoples hearts and got their hopes up as a HOBBY? Apparently I do. Add that to the list of reasons why no one likes me.

It was 3 am when I finally decided I had to do something about this. I had to do something to ease my nerves. There wasn't much that could be done, but I think I had one idea.