04.03.2016
Dear Shawn,
You're ignoring me. Yet again. I'm tired of playing these stupid little games. I'm fucking done. Is that what you want me to say? That I'm done? I'm really fucking tempted. But I know I won't. Because I'm the one who stays. Maybe you'll finally text me back and tell me that you love me and I'll say it back within a minute because I'm so fucking excited to see your name pop up on my phone. So I'll forget all about this - or at least put it behind me - until the next time it happens.
But you might not respond at all. Maybe tomorrow you'll walk into H4 and we'll lock eyes, but you'll look away and I'll stare after you. Or maybe you won't meet my eyes or you'll just ignore my existence altogether. Maybe you won't come to H4 at all. Maybe you'll stay with your friends until you think I've left. Or maybe you'll just come in and tell me it's over. That you're done. Maybe. I hope not, but maybe.
My heart hurts. It feels so heavy in my chest right now. I feel sick. I feel nauseous. It hurts to breathe.
Why do I even try? I can't do this right now.
