04.06.2016
Dear Shawn,
I've lost some feeling. I don't really know how to explain it exactly. (Wait shit that sounds like a line from the Catcher in the Rye, oops). But I feel like I've become numb to a lot of things lately. I'm not really depressed or upset anymore. I'm not anything anymore. Bad thoughts come up sometimes for only ever a little bit but I don't push them away, but I don't welcome them either. They just eventually leave.
I don't really get happy much though either, but I'm not sad. I'm just in the gray all day, which can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. I just don't care. I have no reason to care. I don't feel much.
Unfortunately, the "no feeling" thing has carried on to people, too. That doesn't make sense. But I don't feel too much towards people. I just exist. I don't care that much when people get mad at me or hate me or love me or want me around or want me dead. It's not like I had many friends to begin with. I'm fine being alone. I'm used to it, and I frankly just don't care.
I've been thinking of going into the hospital again. I don't want to, but it's crossed my mind a bit recently. Please don't let me go back there.
Two bad things: I started...
