01.15.2017
Dear Shawn,
I love you. It's been a while since we've said that but I feel like it needs to be said. It's been a long time since I've written to you and I think that's okay. Maybe that's a good sign.
But things have been hard. Today officially marks one year since you first left me and six months since I last hurt myself. So today is good and bad I guess.
Today I messed up though. I was upset because of what happened one year ago and you were upset because you feel like all I do is live in the past. So you stopped talking to me... Then finally you said something. You told me you wanted space for a day so now I'm giving you space for a day...
I didn't want to send you a really long text so I think I'm just going to send you this and that will be all.
I hate this. I don't want to stop talking, especially not tomorrow. January 16th last year was the first full day that we had no contact since we met. One year later and it will be exactly the same. I'll give you the space, but it will hurt, but I'll be okay...
If you want to talk to me tomorrow, please don't... If you were to text me, then I'll respond and expect a conversation out of it no matter if that was your intention or not. So just text me goodnight tomorrow before you go to bed. I don't know if I'll respond (I'll try not to), but please just do that for me. And I'll text you good morning on Tuesday and then maybe you'll say something back and maybe we'll pretend that we're okay when we see each other at practice. Please please please just say goodnight to me tomorrow... I just need you to say goodnight and call me bunny and tell me you love me with a kiss and a heart and a smile.... Please...
Anyways, goodnight Shawn... I love you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much, don't let the bed bugs bite, I'll see you in my dreams and think of you tomorrow... have fun playing your new $150 game and be safe wherever you go and whatever you do... text me goodnight tomorrow and I'll see you on Tuesday... 😘❤️😊
P.S.: just tell me you love me
