The Only Good Thing Left in Me [Kellic]

Chapter Twenty Three

Hi evryone! Quick update since I figured I left you all on a bad place ;-; I'm sorry!

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We sit down on his bed, me staring at him attentively, trying to read anything from his expression, and him not being able to stare back. "What is it Vic?" I ask desperately.

He starts with a sigh. "Kells, you know I love you. What you did at the party is okay, I got over that a few days ago. But Kells, it's about us...and me going to college...I don't think..."

I dreadfully ask "You don't think what?" even though I know what he's going to say.

He looks back at me with tears in his eyes, and he says, "I-I love you, but I don't think I can do this anymore."

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You know that inital feeling of shock when something unexpected happens? That feeling where everything seems to stop while you're trying to understand how this particular event would change how you lived your life forever? That's how it felt when I heard the words I never wanted to hear trickle past his lips. The words I convinced myself after almost a year I would never hear, because he was supposed to love me and never let me go. My body immediately jolted to standing and I felt my cheeks stain with the colorless tears that slipped down them. The words replayed in my mind over...and over... and over. It seemed like everything I knew was ripped away in a moments time.

"K-Kellin?" his voice he used when he was scared of what happens next called my name.

I whispered, to myself more than to Vic, "You don't think you can do this anymore?" I thought that maybe hearing the words come out of my own mouth would help me process them, but it didn't.

His nervous studder fell on my ears. "I-I'm sorry, all this time I was trying to...to figure out a way to let you down gently bu-"

"Let me down gently, Vic?" My tone unexpectedly shifted from realization, to anger. "You're fucking leaving me and breaking my heart and everything I know and you call it letting me down gently?"

His eyes stared in amazement at my sudden and rare burst of anger. His response was low and pathetic. "...I didn't say this was my ideal way of telling you..." He climbed to his feet and stood a few away from me, almost seeming intimidated. Maybe the look on my face would tell him every word I wanted to form, but couldn't.

"I didn't mean for it to end like this. It's just..." he sighed," I know how you are Kellin."

Now I was fuming. "What the hell is that supposed to mean Vic?"

He sighed again. "You're very needy, Kells," He began, stepping close enough to me to hold my face in his hands. My instincts told me to push him away; how dare I let him touch me after he's leaving? But even if I tried I couldn't. I'd miss his hands too much, and I wanted this last physical interaction. Even if I hated him for breaking me.

"When I leave for San Francisco state you'll be calling me all the time and crying or having a panic attack or something bad and I won't be able to help! I'll have to live with the fact that someone I'm supposed to love will be suffering without me. And since I know I love you, I'm avoiding that problem...by doing this."

And finally, those suppressed emotions broke, and more frantic colorless tears poured down my face.

"S-so I'm the reason this is happening?" I managed to get out.

"No no, Kells it's not your fault." Vic tried to comfort me, but I didn't think I could handle another word. I began pushing him out of my way. And although I was pushing him away, what I really wish I could push away was the fact that this was all happening. The love of my life is really leaving me.

I finally pushed him out of the way and as my palm touched the doorknob, that's when it started.

My face flushed sweat beads formed at my hairline my breath began getting more and more shallow I felt like the walls were closing in- why can't I hear anything anymore? why is everything beginning to seem so colorless?

"Kells, kells! You're having a panic attack calm down!" I heard Vic's voice. "Oh no no no no, okay come here." He said before scooping me up and laying my body on his plush navy blue bed. I was still hyperventilating, but I could feel some sort of comfort.

"Darling you'll be okay." he began singing for me like he did every time this happened to me.

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So I intended to write more to this part but seeing that I've had this as a draft for a few weeks I figured I'd just leave it here. I'm really sorry for not updating and I'm ECSTATIC that people still comment saying they want updates!!! Whattt??!!? I love you all!