Band Self Harm Imagines

Jack Barakat

Another day.. unfortunately. You'd managed to make it half way through your school day without troubles. A new record. Though.. you may have jinxed yourself, because the next thing you knew, you were knocked to the ground, books and papers scattered about the hall. It seemed as though you had no more tears to cry anymore. This was all part of the daily routine.

Of course.. it didn't always used to be this way. You used to be a fairly normal gal. You had friends, your family life was... perfect. Or at least, it seemed perfect now. As you began to gather your things, you faintly remembered that day. It was just another day, but that one call.. it changed everything. They'd called you to the office that day at school, explaining that your mother had passed away in a car accident.

As you waited for your father, Jack Barakat, to pick you up, you could only cry. Within the next few months, you stopped talking.. for the most part. You weren't a mute, but you seldom spoke unless spoken to.

You couldn't help but think that all this would be a little less hard and hurt a little less.. if only you had someone, anyone. You knew your father and the guys were busy with your younger siblings, but you couldn't help but feel... ignored. Your siblings were 8 and 14, and you couldn't blame them. The 8 year old, Sarah, cried almost every night. The 14 year old, Travis, was angry... always.

You couldn't bring yourself to take anything out on your family, you couldn't help it. After all.. it was your fault, right? You'd texted your mother from school not long before the crash.. and you've blamed yourself ever since.

Without a word, you snuck up to your room, collapsing onto the bathroom floor with a loud sob. "Mother.." you whispered to no one in particular, watching as your tears splattered against the tile. "Mother... I'm so, so sorry..." While you respected and thanked all the guys for helping your siblings you wished for attention to. You were older, but that didn't mean you were in any less need of love.

Without even realizing it, you reached for the blade, dragging it across your skin. This was what you deserved, right? You silently grimaced as you forms more cuts along your wrist, watching as the blood trickled down your fingers, painting the white tile with red.

After you'd had your fill, you cleaned up the bathroom, and your cuts. The guys must've made dinner.. and it was tempting. Oh, so tempting. You simply couldn't. You were fat as it is... 105 lbs was fat, right? Yeah. You didn't need food.

So, with a hungry stomach, you headed to bed, falling into a numb, dreamless sleep.
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The next morning, you headed downstairs, purposefully skipping breakfast as you headed out the door. Alex was there with your little sister, but you hardly muttered your goodbyes. You did, however, notice the confused and worried look in his eyes.

No.. wait-- you'd completely forgotten your hoodie that morning. Shit, shit shit shit. He saw, didn't he? Maybe not... Maybe he was just looking at how fat you were?

Either way, you took off for school before anyone had the chance to question you. You'd take being bullied then being scolded by your family any day.

The school day went by as planned, the occasional bullying, tripping, and then finally, the last bell. Keeping your head down, you began walking home. You always walked home, the guys were too busy helping your siblings to pick you up.

Which is what made the sight of your father's car that much surprising. Hesitantly, you slipped into the passenger seat. Your dad wasn't the same anymore, either. He wasn't as silly or goofy as he used to be but... he was still doing better then the rest of you. With the help of the guys.

Finally, you spoke, placing your hand against the cool window. "Thanks for picking me up, dad..." you whispered, loud enough so he could hear. He seemed taken aback by the words when you looked at him. Why wouldn't he be? You hadn't spoken to him... in a while. Too long, you had so much to say, but you couldn't bring yourself to ask for help. It was selfish of you, they were too busy.

Once the two of you got home, he merely sat in the car, locking the doors as he turned to you. "(Y/N)..." he spoke, dropping his eyes to your wrists. No, no no no no, Alex didn't tell him... did he?

"(Y/N) please..." he begged, delicately, but forcefully, he pulled your hand closer, eyeing the cuts which scattered your forearm. He looked like he was about to cry. He hadn't cried since Mom's funeral... and seeing him cry, you did, too. "I-I'm sorry... Daddy.... please don't hate me."

Jack's face after that... it broke you. "(Y/N)... Nothing you could ever, ever do would make me hate you... w-why do you do this to yourself.. you're too beautiful for this, sweetheart." You paused, attempting to control your sobs as you stared at the ground.

"I.." you paused, choosing your words carefully. Your dad knew about the text, but he refused to blame you. There was no inching around it anymore, it was time he knew... and he'd get it out of you, either way. "I'm so, so lonely... dad... You and the guys are just so busy with Sarah and Travis, and... I'm so fat and ugly, I get bullied at school... I can't take it anymore..." With that, you broke into a heavy string of sobs, clinging to your sides. "I want mom back..!"

You nearly shrieked the sentence, stumbling out of the car. It wasn't that Jack wasn't good enough. He was, he was the greatest, most sweetest father in the world, but... Your mother, your mother helped hold everything together. If she was still here, everyone would still be happy, everything would be normal again.

But she wasn't here. She was never coming back.

Collapsing onto the driveway in a fit of sobs, you hardly noticed when your dad came to your side, wrapping your arms around you. He was crying, too, but not so hysterically. The two of you cuddled on the pavement for what seemed like hours, silently crying until he finally spoke, pressing his lips to the top of your head. "(Y/N).. I'm so, so sorry... I didn't know all this was going on, please... please forgive me.." He begged, his tears now drying. "I had no idea you felt this way... I'll make it better, I promise you.... everything will be okay, you won't be alone anymore... I swear it."

You nodded, burying your head into his chest with another sob. You only hoped what he said was true.. because you weren't sure how much more of this you could take. It was eating you alive.

You felt Jack's arms wrap around you, carrying you bridal style into the house, pressing endless kisses on your forehead as he set you down. All the guys were there, they looked both worried and.. happy to see you. Though, you hadn't spoken to any of them in ages. You gave Alex the first hug, collapsing into his strong grip with a sob.

Even though you didn't want it to happen like this, he saved you... your life would still be lonely if he hadn't told Jack. "Thank you..." you whispered to him, pressing a friendly kiss to his cheek. He seemed surprised, to say the least, but petted your head.

After hugging the rest of the guys, a few more tears, you all were cuddled up on your large couch, watching any and every movie you could find. Home Alone, Batman, all your favorites.

And it was great, maybe everything was looking up again, after all.

You fell asleep that night in your father's arms, the rest of the guys surrounded around you.. and you wouldn't have it any other way.