Band Self Harm Imagines

Michael Clifford

There will most likely be a long author's note at the end of this. I just need to rant to someone and y'all are always there for me. So..

Michael's POV
As I sit in this room with multiple people, I feel alone. As if my existence is nearly something out of a dream. I know I exist, because of people calling out to me, but I still feel as though. I am nothing more than a toy, that people enjoy, then to still, simply throw out after it begins to crack.

"Michael? You in there?" My best friend Calum waves his hand in front of my face.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry mate." I reply quickly after I snap out of my thoughts.

"We are going to go get food, want to tag along?" We had just finished a long band rehearsal. I was starving, but I could not let myself receive the pleasure of eating. I simply did not need too.

"I'm just going to head home, I'm sorry guys." I say back, reaching for my backpack. We keep all our instruments in Luke's garage. It's easier then lugging them back and forth.

"You okay buddy?" Luke asks quietly, while opening the garage door.

"Fine." I reply as I start walking home.

They know I'm different, that I need that extra care. I wish I didn't, but don't we all? We all need that special handling sometimes when life gets rough, I just seem to need it more than others.

I reach for my cracked iPhone out of my pocket. I call my best friend Y/N. She was always there. To simply put it. I have never had a friend so helpful, and kind. She just had this aura to her. I could never understand how someone could be so sweet.

"Hey!" She answers within three rings.

"Want to come over? It's Friday. We can have our movie night."

"I am in such dire need of that! Can I come now?" She asks softly.

"Yeah, just don't leave to early. I'm still on my way home from Luke's." I lie to her. I needed more time still. I had just walked in to an empty house. I loved my parents, but they were always working.

I walk to my bedroom, floor boards creaking beneath my feet.

I go to my dresser, and find my blade.

I cure the day I made that initial cut. I am not too sure why, it just helped. It doesn't make much sense to others but it definitely did help in some way. So I kept doing it.

I cut on my thighs this time so Y/N doesn't see. I don't want her upset cause of me.

As soon as I finish, I hear a knock at my door.

I run downstairs to open the door to sweet, beautiful, Y/N.

"Hey, ready to start?" Y/N grabs my hand and takes me over to the couch. We scroll through Netflix for what seems like hours. Until we finally agree on Final Destination. Those movies are so gory, but I always have found a sick entertainment towards them.

Half way through the movie, Y/N gets up to make some popcorn. I refuse some but my stomach turns me in.

"Okay, since we are best friends. I feel I'm allowed and it is my duty to do this." As she says that, she swings on my lap and makes my fresh cuts sting in agony. I somehow control it, but man, did it hurt.

"Have you eaten today Michael?" The look on her face turns concerned.

"Um, yeah-yeah. Why?" I stutter.

"You have been eyeing the bowl for fifteen minutes and have yet to take a bite. Also your stomach does this thing, called loud growling if your hungry. I can hear it."

"I didn't need the health lesson, smart one." I say.

"Come on, lets go to the kitchen. I will make you something." She states. I could not give in this easily.

As I get up to go to my room, she grabs my arm. The cuts aren't super fresh but they still feel odd when someone goes to grab at you. I hiss.

"Michael, drop the act. I know something is wrong. Roll up your sleeves." She says forcefully.

I try to ignore her, I know she's right. But I don't want to appear weak in front of the girl I have adored for some many years now.

"Just drop it Y/N? It doesn't really matter." I say looking down.

She pulls up my sleeves without warning. My cuts and scars on full display.

"Michael, why would you do this to yourself?" She says with tears coming into her eyes.

"I had to let it all out, and I didn't know how." I start to sob uncontrollably.

Y/N stays with me all night and comforts me. I knew I loved her but now tonight just confirmed it all.

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my life is lowkey hell right now. I want to drop a toxic friend so bad but I feel like if I do, my name is going to be all over my school for no reason. Sometimes, it all gets a little too much. I wish I knew how to drop a friend properly and not make them too angry at me.