What Went Wrong? (Nathan Sykes fanfiction) *ON HOLD*

Chapter Twenty One - I Want To Help You!

Chapter Twenty One

“Something’s clearly bothering you! Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong!?”

It had been just under a week since I had received that text from Ricky and it had been just under a week since I had broken down. Nathan still knew nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I knew that he needed to know – he’d find out sooner or later, but I just didn’t have the nerve to do it. Ever since then I admit, I have been acting quite off; with everyone though. I was constantly paranoid that Ricky was after me and was always looking around. I was always quite sad. I never wanted any of that to happen. But it was happening whether I liked it or not.

“Because I’m fine!” I lied. It was hard to do this every day to his face, but I didn’t know what else to do. Nathan had finally had enough of my behaviour and wanted to know why I had been acting the way I was, but I wasn’t giving him the answer he wanted; or believed for that matter. He could read me like a book, but lying was the only way right now, as bad as that sounds.

“Stop lying! I’ve known you almost all of your life. Don’t think I can’t tell when you’re lying. I know because you always look down after you’ve lied.” I snapped my head up and tried to think of a way out of this.

“Look, I’m fine, there’s no need to worry. Okay? Just leave it,” I replied calmly. I may have been calm but that comment sent Nathan wild.

“For God’s sake, Megs, just stop! Stop lying. Stop pretending that you’re fine. Last week I knew you had been crying, but you clearly didn’t want to talk about it, so I let it go. But it has obviously affected you and you’ve been down ever since and I want to know what happened! I want to help you! If you can’t be honest with me then why are we even together?” he sighed.

That comment is what broke my heart. If the threatening messages weren’t enough, I’d hurt Nathan too. What a great girlfriend I was!

“Nathan, I’m sorry, OK? It’s not that easy to tell you, but for now, I’m fine.” I knew Nathan wouldn’t believe that for a second, but I needed him to stop worrying.

“I swear to God, if you say that you’re fine one more time I will flip!”

“But I am!” I cried. Why wouldn’t he just drop it and move on? He didn’t need to worry. Not until he knew anyway...

I burst into tears at the realisation of what was happening. We were arguing. I never wanted that to happen. I mean, I knew that in relationship people fought, but I didn’t want it to be the way it was: Nathan, livid and me, a crying mess on the floor.

“Look, Megan, I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you hurt and knowing I can’t help is killing me. Why can’t you just tell me?” he whimpered, starting to cry himself.

“Because I just can’t, OK? Stop asking me because I just can’t tell you! I’m too much of a coward to state the reality because then everything will be true and I don’t want that! You know what, maybe it’s best if I just leave!” I shouted. Nathan’s constant questioning and pushed me way over my limit and I just couldn’t think. I rushed to the front door and hurriedly shoved on my shoes and shrugged on my coat.

“Megs, you don’t have to do this. Just talk to me, please!” Nathan pleaded. As much as I wanted to tell him and for him to comfort me, I just wasn’t ready to speak.

“I just need some time. I need to think,” I whispered. I headed out the door and ran down the street. Nathan was the kind of person who knew that I needed space so I didn’t have to worry about him coming after me. I broke down. Everything that I had been feeling had just caught up on me and I fell to the ground.

I was scared because of the messages from Ricky. Since the first one, he had sent me a few more, more or less along the same lines, but that didn’t stop me from fearing for my life. I knew what Ricky was like and I didn’t want him anywhere near me.

I had been down all week. The constant messages and just me feeling bad about myself had brought me down and I had been sad all week.

And now I was fighting with Nathan. I didn’t want our relationship to be affected because of my threatening ex, but it was my fault that we were arguing. I let everything get to me and now it was hurting the people I loved. It was all my fault and the only way to fix it was to tell Nathan. But I was a coward. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was too scared about the ‘what if’s’ that I just couldn’t. Like ‘what if Ricky found out?’ or ‘how would Nathan react?’. It was hard. But I needed to grow-up at some point. I couldn’t let Ricky win. I couldn’t let Ricky ruin my life.

“Megan? Is that you? Megs?” I looked up at the familiar voice to be greeted by a set of distinguished curly locks. “Are you OK? Why are you crying? What’s happened?” Jay’s frantic voice questioned. I sniffled and wiped my eyes. I had cried too much over the past week.

“Hey, Jay,” I murmured.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?”

“Me and Nathan, we had a fight,” I sighed. And it was all my fault...

“C’mon, I’ll take you back. You may have argued, but I know Nathan enough to know that he’d be worried sick about you right now. Here, take my hand.” I wiped my face again and reached for Jay’s outstretched hand.

“Thank you for this,” I hoarsely whispered. It seemed that all of my crying had taken a toll on my voice.

“No problem. I just hope you and Nathan make up,” he smiled. I weakly smiled back and then followed Jay back to Nathan’s house. I had practically been living there, but Nathan and I hadn’t officially moved in together.

The walk back was quiet and it gave me extra time to think. No matter how much I didn’t want to tell Nathan, I had to. It had hurt him and that was the last thing I wanted to happen, so no matter what I want, that was my final decision. Nathan deserved the truth.

“Here we are,” Jay said. He jogged up to the front door and turned to find me not moving an inch. “You comin’?" he asked.

“I can’t,” I said quietly.

“I’ll just let him know that I’ve brought you back then.” I nodded in reply to Jay’s statement. He ran inside as I stayed outside. Nathan probably didn’t want me in his house. He thought that I didn’t trust him.

I rubbed away the stray tear that fell down my face and my gaze fell to the floor. It hurt to just think that I wasn’t welcome here anymore,

Minutes later, Jay reappeared in front of me. He walked over to me and my gaze flickered to the window next to him. I looked to find Nathan stood there, with an angry look on his face. I gulped in fear and looked at the floor again, away from Nathan. I couldn’t believe what I had done.

Jay walked quicker and eventually enveloped me in a hug. “I know you must feel bad now and yes, Nathan is angry, but just remember that he does love you, a lot and he just wants to help. He doesn’t ever want to see you hurt, not unless he can help it.” I smiled and looked up to Jay. “Go on then. Good luck,” he said as he pushed me towards the front door. I took a deep breathed and slowly walked to the front door ahead of me. Once I was knocking distance, the door opened and I was faced with a flustered looking Nathan. My breathing stopped and I could swear that more tears were soon to come. How I had any left I’ll never know.

Nathan opened the door wider and stepped to the side to let me in. “You best come in. I think we need to talk.” I once again gulped and mentally wished myself good luck.

I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but it had to happen sooner or later.