Dark Side Of The Moon (Part 2 Of Cold Grey Light)

Walked Away

POV Edward

Torture. In torturing others, do we also torture ourselves? It takes a certain kind of person to inflict pain on those around them, and not be affected by it even a little. That's the type of person I refuse to be. I refuse to continue torturing those I love, just so I can reap my own selfish satisfaction. I shall leave, and take all the pain myself. I deserve it.

On the night of Bella's party I watched as each person I loved went through hell. A hell none of them deserved, but one that I brought to them all. On the drive back to her house, Bella and I had argued. She asked me for forgiveness. Me, the one who had dragged her selfishly into my soulless existence, and put her in the danger that had now twice come so close to claiming her fragile life.

She then asked if I would spend the night with her, I agreed. It was what I wanted, but not what I wished her to want. I wanted her to be repulsed, angered and frightened by what had happened, so that she may finally push me away, and be free. In my selfishness I agreed. Having her sleep in my arms would give me time to think properly. As she spoke to her father and readied herself for sleep, I sat on her bed, batting her birthday gifts between my hands. It would be so easy, so easy to stay. Stay and keep her. When she came in and climbed into my lap, her scent made the muscles in my stomach clench. The pain of what I knew I must do mixed with the inner agony of not wanting to.

When she opened the gift from my parents, I let my agony win. Throwing hopes over it like water over flames, telling my self I could stay. Stay with her, go to Jacksonville, then make her yours forever. I placed my gift in her CD player and tears began to stream down her face. I looked down then, remembering the bandages that covered her arm, and the pain the wound underneath must be causing her.

Yes, stay. And see how many more injuries she will have to suffer through, how much more pain, all because you are too selfish to give her her life back.

I fetched some medication to soothe any physical suffering, and placed her underneath the bed covers, hoping that sleep may soothe any pain her thoughts were causing. She asked me what I was thinking about. I told her truthfully; right and wrong. Was it right to stay here with her, putting her life in danger just because I was selfish enough to believe a monster like me could deserve one such as her? No, it was wrong.

She must have sensed the doom in my thoughts because she changed the subject rapidly. A kiss, she wanted a kiss. My torture, not hers. My torture was being the one to have to pull away every time. My torture was knowing that I didn't want to. My torture was knowing what could happen if I didn't.

As usual, her heart raced when my lips touched hers. Then foolishly, I let the eagerness to keep her slip through. I held her closer, not wanting to admit I had to let her go. After coming to my senses I apologized and got her to sleep. She draped her injured arm across my lifelessly cold skin, no doubt trying to soothe the burning pain I'd caused her. As she slept I thought. I though all night; staring at her ceiling, never at her. Looking at that face, the face I loved, would only sway me in my decision. I had to do what was best for her. So when she woke, I kissed her forehead and leapt out of her window. My intentions set in stone.

I ran home, but walked slowly up the long driveway. There were no greetings from Alice as I climbed the porch. She had seen what was coming, and would be hurting. My family were gathered in the living room. The silence was painful. Jasper stood at the back of the room with Alice, rubbing his hands up and down her arm, no doubt trying to soothe the pain he could feel her going through.

Alice's face was leaning on his chest, her eyes were hazed over and she was staring into space, whereas Jasper looked everywhere but at me. Esme and Carlisle stood close by, both looking at me desperately. Emmett and Rosalie were beside them, the anger in Rosalie's expression was palpable in her tone as she spoke,