Make the Most of It

22. Anger

"Can I ask you something Zayn?" I asked. This was the first time I had seen him since Friday, when he had texted me. He diverted his eyes from the road and looked at me.

"Yeah."

"Have you told me everything from what happened before you met me?" He was silent and I could see him clench his hands around the steering wheel.

"Why?" He asked, with gritted teeth.

"I just wondering. Ari said something and I wanted to hear it from you."

"She probably was thinking about the wrong person."

"Probably," I said knowingly.

"It's nothing important. Just forget about it alright?"

"Ok," I lied. I didn't want to let it go now that I knew he was hiding something.

It was silent the rest of the drive until we finally pulled up in front of the restuarant. Zayn had decided to take me out to eat and I had happily obliged.

We walked in and the waiter led us to an empty booth in the back. We both sat down across from eachother and browsed throught the menus. Once the waiter came by, we both ordered our food and waited in silence.

The waiter came back with our food in a couple minutes and I thanked her for the both of us. I started eating, but Zayn barely even touched his food.

"Zayn? Aren't you going to eat?" I asked.

"No I'm not hungry."

"Do you want to go somewhere else? Or we can make something at home."

"I said I'm not hungry!" He yelled. My heart jumped in my chest as I sat there in shock. He looked up at me and immediately apologized,"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry. Finish your food. I'll be waiting outside." I nodded as he got up and left. I ate silently, trying to focus my attention to everyone else around me.

I quickly finished eating and paid the bill, then walked outside. Zayn was leaning against the driver' side, with a cigarette in his mouth. He was staring off into the distance and he didn't see me coming.

"I'm done." He dropped the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it then got into the car.

He stopped in front of my apartment building and let me get out. I walked up to my door. But when I turned around to wave goodbye, he was already gone. Gone without a goodbye.

I changed into some sweatpants and called Ari.

"You were right," I said. "Zayn's hiding something."

"I told you."

"Yeah."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Wait until he's ready to talk. He got really mad when I brought it up."

"Well be careful."

"Of what? It's not like he's a criminal or something."

"Still. I'm worried about you."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay bye." I ended the call then grabbed my laptop to finish submitting the rest of my designs for work. Once I was done, I browsed the interent until I could feel my body loosening from lack of sleep and I fell asleep right there with my head resting on the top of my laptop.

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It was now Tuesday, four days since, Zayn had lost his temper and to be honest I was getting really impatient and I was missing him like crazy. I had gotten so attached to his presence for so many weeks straight that it didn't feel right not talking to him. So, when his name finally popped up on my caller ID, I could feel the thousands of butterflies churning around in my stomach.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone, but all I heard from the other side were coughs. "Zayn! Are you okay?!"

"Yeah," he croaked, then fell back into another fit of coughs. "S...sorry."

"Zayn! I'm coming over! Are you home?"

"No! Don't come!" I went to my car and drove to his house anyway, leaving the phone still on, from which I only heard Zayn drinking water and trying to catch his breath. I drove quickly, probably way over the speed limit and got there in a couple minutes.

I opened his apartment door with the spare key he had given me and raced inside, but Zayn wasn't there.

"Zayn?" I called out. Then, I heard vomitting from the upstais bathroom. I raced upstairs and found Zayn kneeling over the toilet bowl, vomitting his guts out.

"Oh my god! Zayn! What happened?!" I looked around and noticed little baggies scattered all over the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew Zayn smoked, but doing drugs? "I'm calling the hospital. You need help." But as I took my phone out, he snatched it out of my hand.

"W...water." I ran downstairs to get a glass of water then handed it to him, who drank all of it in one breath. "I have drug overdose m...medications in my room."

"Are you sure?" He nodded slightly so I went into his room and rummaged through his nightstand and found them. Then I went back into the bathroom and helped Zayn walk out to the couch. "Here." I handed them to him and he took the medicine. "You need to tell me what's going on. You never did this before."

He layed his head down in my lap with his eyes closed and legs outstretched. I placed my hand on his forehead. "You have a fever Zayn."

"The medicine will help."

"Alright. Now telll me." He sighed deeply, but still didn't talk. "I'm not leaving until you do." He clenched his jaw then sat upright again.

"Just leave it alone. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?! You could've almost died!"

"But I didn't! And I didn't ask you to come here anyway."

"You were coughing so much, you could barely even breath Zayn!"

"Just because we're dating doesn't mean you have to be so clingy and in my business all the time! I can take damn right take care of myself Nikki! I've done it before."

"Before? Before! How much are you hiding from me?"

He buried his face in his hands and sighed again. "Please just go. I'll talk to you when I'm ready." I was shocked at the way he was just kicking me out, but I got up anyway, and left without another word.

Once I got home, I threw myself on the bed and cried into my pillow. I didn't cry because of Zayn. I didn't cry because of what he did and what kind of a person. I cried because of myself and how I always chose the wrong guys. Always. After so many relationships, maybe I wasn't meant to have one at all.