This is really happening | Haylor

Josh's secret

As I sit down at my desk putting on my makeup I replayed memories of me and Josh together, there wasn't much to remember though, clearly I'm just acting silly, like it's the end of a love story which never begun in first place. I remember the first time I saw him; it wasn't love at first sight or anything cheesy like that though. He was so nice to me I couldn't help not feeling infatuated by him. I thought I had met the sweetest guy on Earth, but Selena didn't understand that, she said she didn't like him, said he looks strange, like he's hiding something. Now I realize she was right.

I threw my mascara in the cabinet and took a last glance in the mirror, letting out a sigh. I was getting ready to meet up with Josh and I was so nervous I could throw up. I really hope I don't do that because that would be so embarrassing.

Why can't I be pretty? I asked myself for the millionth time around, looking at my reflection disappointedly in the mirror. I was so sick and tired of this all. I felt a ball coming up my throat, I can't, not now Taylor. I took a sip out of my water bottle, trying to swallow my insecurities away. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, pulled myself up, picked up my purse and headed out.

I planned to meet Josh at the café next to the old bookstore. Usually when I go there I'd be excited to get the chocolate shake and a portion of cheesy fries. I don't feel like eating today.

As I walked to the café I wondered what he would say to me. I was hoping it would be an apology, it couldn't be anything else, yet again I wondered anyway. I hadn't talked to Josh in a while now and much longer in person. He is always busy and even when we were 'together' we didn't hang out much anyway. After the party I completely ignored him and he got the message on his own, he knew he did wrong. He texted me a couple of times but I ignored them. If someone really cares about you they would call and when you don't pick up they would come over if they can. I pity his wasted texts.

As I walk up to the café my heart starts skipping more than it's meant to. Josh was already there. I have to pretend everything is okay because it's who I am and it's how I get through things, by pretending they're not there.

''Hey'' I said approaching Josh at his table whilst taking a seat.

''Hey Taylor.'' replied Josh nervously.

I sat in front of him awkwardly and anxiously whilst clenching my fist.

''So how have your holidays been?'' he continued to ask.

''Okay, I guess.'' I answered with a shrug.

''Uhm, look Tay we both know why we're here so let's just get to it you know.'' He started saying.

''I mean we can't hide this forever, it's starting to make me feel really guilty.'' He continued to explain.

''It's just now starting to make you feel guilty?'' I responded surprisingly feeling both hurt and confused.

He ignored my answer completely and kept talking.

''Look Tay I really need you to be my friend right now okay. I am letting you in on something very personal.''

''Go ahead.'' I answered rolling my eyes, sitting back. I wasn't even nervous or hurt anymore. At this point I'm just annoyed.

''Okay, look I'm... uhm...I'm.''

''Stop fidgeting and just tell me my god!'' I snapped.

''I'm gay!''

I stared at him for a minute feeling extremely shocked.

''Wait? What?'' I begged hoping I heard him wrong.

''Taylor I'm gay. The person your friend saw me with at the party is my boyfriend Kevin. We've been together for a while now and I feel the need for you to know the truth.'' He explained fidgeting.