Divergent?

Chapter Twelve (Beatrice)

The day after my fight with Alexa is horrible. Guilt from being so rude to her and sadness from homesickness clawed at and overwhelmed me, making me feel so bad about myself- I'd wished over and over again that yesterday never happened. I don't think I'd ever considered that initiation might be this tough, and I wish it isn't. But I can't keep worring about myself; I'm Abnegation after all.

Routine for the last few weeks has been the same. Wake up, go down to the dining hall, eat breakfast, go somewhere with Four then do whatever it is that we're meant to. In the afternoon; eat lunch, have some freetime, eat dinner then go to bed.

But today is different. Alexa and I still aren't talking, but I've made pretty good friends in Faith, Luke, a shy Abnegation-born girl called Hannah, and an Erudite transfer called Yves. We're all in the dining hall eating a breakfast of toast and butter spread when Four comes through the doors.

'Morning, everyone', he says as he strides towards the table I am sitting at.

'Morning, Four', we all reply in chorous. Four comes to stop walking behind me on my left, and I realise he wants to sit down next to me, so I budge up to the left.

'Thank you' Four says as he sits, and I nod in consideration. Then, I reach out my hand to get a second peice of toast, only realising at the last second that Four is intending to get a slice as well. Our hands touch, and for the second they do, I feel a tingling sensation where my fingertips touch Four's hand. It feels good, so good that I don't want to move my hand away- Four's rough, warm skin against mine. My eyes travel up to Four's eyes, and they are staring, transfixed at me. Their deep blue, almost black colour cruelly brings me back to reality, and it's as if any connection is lost as I pull my hand away and look down at my plate. But feeling another pair of eyes on me, I look up across the room to see Alexa staring at me, my hand, which is now resting in my lap. Then her eyes slowly travel to Four's hand, and finally on me. She just saw that. How long were Four and I touching? 1, 2, 5 seconds? It felt like ten to me. Alexa can't have seen that. She'll get the wrong idea. No, no, no, no...

Looking almost as flustered as I feel, Four stands up.

'Um, so today, we're doing, um, something different. We're going to travel to the, er, factionless and give out food and, um, other provisions. I'm sure some of you will have done this... before', he says, his eyes pointedly resting on mine for a second, then flitting away nervously, whilst his cheeks turn a slight pink colour. I mirror his embarassment and look down at my plate again. I have done it before, of course.

'So, finish your food, and I'll be waiting outside', Four concludes then walks out of the hall.