Falling (BoyxBoy) (Hiatus)

5. The Real Me

I have to tell you guys, this chapter was pretty disturbing to write. But, it must be done.

Chapter 5.

**Nate's POV** 

I think, for today I'll take a rain check on the whole changing epiphany.

And anyways, It's hard to think when I'm crouched on the ground curling myself into a ball to minimize  impacts of feet slamming into my sides and ribs repeatedly.

I knew this would happen...eventually, I was expecting it even. I just didn't expect it to come so soon.

It hurts. It really does. And I'll do just about anything right now for it to stop.

I want to cry and scream my lungs out and curse and quick my attackers. But I don't. I just squeeze myself into a smaller ball and endure the pain. What's the point anyway. It will never stop. None of it will ever stop, no matter what I do. I'm going to always be the odd one out, the creep, the geek. The one nobody gets close to or even look at in fear people will associated them with me. 

witch is exactly what their doing now.

One 5' 2" tall, scrawny, palled skinned, almond hear, gray eyed, Gothic nerd is being beat to a pulp by tree guys -who are obviously high on steroids. But they say nothing. They just rush by,  eyes fixed ahead like they see nothing.

 The black spots staring to form meticulously on my vision are greatly welcomed. I want the darkness. I want it to envelop me until I can feel nothing. 

Yes! that's it. give it all up. says a darkly mysterious voice. By now my hearing has became muffled, I can't even make out the sound my attacker's feet connecting with my flesh anymore. but that's not the Case for the voice that just spoke. I can make out the clear rumbling baritone perfectly, it seems far familiar. A little like the voice I speak in when I'm dreaming. The voice is close, so close I can almost feel the the hot breath of the speaker on my neck. It's almost like it's coming straight from my own head. Nobody likes you. your worth less than scum. No one will ever come rescue you. You're all on your own. The voice tempted me making my blood boil. What bothers me the most is the possibility that his right.

My thoughts waver, I feel compelled to believe the voice. then as if a light bulb was switched on in my head, images stared  coming to me. I remember parts of my mom's last words to me, that I've somehow forgotten or overlooked.

"Nathalian, never loose courage." she stopped to catch her breath. She clenched my hand, her eyes a sharp gray unlike my own- stormy and cold-, she was fast loosing blood, and even at the age of seven I knew she didn't have much time left, so I didn't stop her from exerting herself to talk. I knelt beside her and held her hand, The tears never stopped pouring, from me or her, and I never bothered wiping them away. This is the last time I'll hear a her whimsical voice. I strain my ear to focus on her voice to bury this memory in my mind, as it was fast loosing momentum. "You must never let darkness in you life take you. You have to stay strong. If you don't, millions of Innocent people will suffer greatly."  she stared at me intently, daring me to disagree. And just like that the memory ended.

This can't possibly be what she was referring to, there is no way. And anyway why should I care about anyone? What have they ever done for me. After all it's true isn't it? Nobody ever cares. I won't care either if they all die.

Yes! Yes! Yes! That is exactly right! you hate them all. the dream voice screeched in pure joy.

I hate them.

The voice chuckled in ecstasy at my response, as it could hear exactly my thoughts. And you don't care if they all die. You want them all to die don't you?