Falling | zaylor ✓

Coming Out

"You alright?" Zac asked Taylor, as they prepared for the upcoming HalfNoise show that Taylor would be assisting Zac during by playing some of the percussion instruments and guitar.

Taylor was brought back into reality by hearing Zac's voice.

"Yeah, uh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine."

But he had gotten lost in the thought of Zac. At that point, Taylor was fully aware of the true feelings he was experiencing towards his good friend and former bandmate. It was a sort of epiphany, and was very random. One day it just hit him, and he realized that it all made a lot of sense.

But unlike what he was like as an oblivious teenager, he now had a better understanding of himself. One of his doubts was that there was no way he could possibly ever like another male. But the amount of googling he did over the most ridiculous of topics was outstanding.

One look at his search history and the most peculiar of searches would show up.

How do I know if I'm gay?

Can I be attracted to another guy and not be gay?

How to know if you're bisexual

What sealed the deal and made him certain that he for sure was not straight was when he decided he was bold enough to watch some, you know, videos that were not exactly "safe for work" nor did it involve just a man and a woman. Actually, minus the woman, and add in another man. Once Taylor got going with that, he was certain that boys couldn't be so bad.

Well, those things would show up if Taylor were not smart enough to clear his search history. Never know who's going to be using his computer.

And so the two of them and the others that had been performing with HalfNoise got back to rehearsing for the show. After a few hours of perfecting the set, all of the musicians left Zac's Nashville home. Except for Taylor, that is.

"You sure you're okay?" Zac asked, actually paying more attention to his drumsticks than to his friend. He tossed one into the air, the stick flipping a few times, and he'd catch it. Then he'd do that with the other hand, and then try to do it with both at the same time. The one that involved both never happened to work.

"Yeah, I'm fine, stop asking," Taylor requested as he sat on the throne of Zac's drum kit, as well as on a throne of lies.

Zac knew that something was off. But he decided to not interrogate his friend, and instead give him a break. He was convinced that he was simply having a bad day. Everyone has those, after all. It's just how it is, really. Sometimes, there's no reason behind it, but it just is what happens.

The two of them, and the other musicians that would be helping rehearsed each day, leading up to that show.

That Saturday finally rolled around, and they couldn't be more excited. Hayley had even planned to check out the HalfNoise show, since not only was it Zac's solo project, but Taylor was helping. And she wanted to be a supportive friend and all.

Before the show even began, the musicians were hanging out in the small backstage area of the theater they'd be performing in. Hayley had joined the group of guys, first hugging Zac and then Taylor.

Zac began blabbing about a story from the band's days where all they could afford was a twelve-passenger van. He began explaining to the guys Hayley had never before met why exactly he had called her "Chayley."

All Taylor could do was stare (totally lovingly) at Zac. He wasn't paying any actual attention to the words coming out of Zac's mouth. But at how pretty his lips were, how precious he looked when he smiled, how soft his voice was, and how beautiful his laugh was.

"Five minutes, guys," one of the stage managers told them. Hayley pulled her bandmate to the side.

"Why are you looking at him like that?" she questioned him.

"Like what?" Taylor acted, putting on an expression of confusion. Unfortunately, he was for sure no actor. So pretending to be totally lost when it came to what Hayley was talking about didn't work out completely. Even if he could act by any means, Hayley knew her best friend all too well.

"You don't think I've seen that? The way you stare at him with that smile on your face. You were like that even when he was in the band. Are you alright?"

Taylor let out a sigh, because hey, Hayley was right. He raised his hand, hand running through the curls upon his head. He found no reason to lie to her, but there was just one teeny-tiny problem.

He hadn't exactly come out to anyone. And really, he had plans to do so...just not anytime soon. For the record, he didn't really even know what he identified as. Bisexual? Maybe. But ever since he discovered that boys aren't so bad after all, he began to lose interest more and more when it came to females. He guessed that he was perhaps just forcing himself to date girls, and do all that just because he thought there was no way he could be that way.

But now seemed like the right time to do so. He pulled Hayley to the side.

"I like Zac," he spoke softly.

Hayley brought her hands up, both going on her cheeks. Her mouth gaped open, eyes wide. All of it in the most sarcastic of ways possible. And to top it all off, she went "No way!"

Taylor gave her a nudge in the shoulder.

"Shut up," he muttered.

"You can't tell anyone, Hayley, seriously. I really do like him, but I know that him finding out would make things so weird."

"I won't tell him, T. But can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Are you gay, then?"

Yup, he saw that one coming.

"I don't know, Hayley. It feels weird. I really, really like Zac. I think I might be gay. But I don't know," he whispered, constantly looking around to be sure nobody was listening. He was sure that some of the people walking around that worked at the theater heard him, but they were so busy with their own things that they didn't care at all.

"Let's go, York," Zac said, yanking Taylor away from Hayley. He gave the girl a wave of goodbye, who returned that.

Throughout the show, Taylor couldn't take his mind off of the conversation he had just had with his bandmate, his best friend. He couldn't believe he actually had the guts to tell anyone that. He had trouble even admitting it to himself, yet here he was, telling his very best friend in a very public place.

Maybe someone else needed to know.