Falling | zaylor ✓

Should Have Known

"Do you, um, want...help with that?" Zac asked when he noticed Taylor shifting uncomfortably in his spot. But Taylor shook his head, even with being as uncomfortable as he was, even with his erect length being restricted by the confinements of his clothing.

"I'm fine," Taylor insisted, hoping to take care of himself later. He cleared his throat, now a bit insecure and unsure of if what he did should have been done. For the record, Zac had sort of initiated it. Yes, Taylor was the one to first kiss him. But after that, Zac was the one to kiss him. And then one thing led to another, and they ended up doing what they did. Sinning.

"I'm sorry," Taylor said randomly, which earned a look of confusion from Zac. He raised a brow before shaking his head a little bit.

"Why?" he asked. Taylor shrugged. He felt like he had to be sorry. Why, he wasn't so sure of. He just knew that it felt wrong, which made him feel the need to apologize.

"Because," he started, hoping to make something up as he went, "because you're straight, and probably didn't want that. I'm sorry. I know I made things weird. I shouldn't have told you anything."

As Taylor spoke, Zac began pulling his clothing back on. It felt especially weird, once he went soft and all. To just be sitting there on the couch, beside his best friend (who had just gone down on him) while completely naked. He pulled his boxers back onto his body, his shirt soon returning to his torso.

"Stop it," was all he could say. He didn't want to tell him the truth, to tell him that he thought of Taylor in the same way, that the feelings certainly were mutual. He knew deep down that simply saying hey, I don't know what I identify as but when I was thirteen I had a vivid wet dream about you and I've been really into you since that weird night wasn't such a simple thing to say to his longtime best friend.

"So...where do we stand on this?" Taylor chimed in, after a moment of silence shared between them. The only noise that filled the awkward silence between the two was the sound of the spinning fan.

"I don't know. I don't think we should do this again, though," he answered, instantly regretting his words. He could have just said something along the lines of how he liked him back, but the thought of admitting that terrified him. It wasn't like he feared rejection. That would make no sense, considering Taylor not only admitted that he was no straight man, but had confessed the feelings he had felt for Zac for so long.

Taylor stood up and scoffed, feeling like an idiot for all of what he'd done. Coming out to Zac, basically admitting that he was just about in love with him, and then giving him head. Just bro things, right?

(Maybe he hadn't exactly said he was pretty much in love with him, but his actions seemed to show that his feelings were not just products of a phase he had been going through).

"I should've known that you didn't feel the same way. It was obvious, anyway. You should've told me that you didn't want me, before I wasted any of my time that I spent on you today. Where are my keys? I know I left them here last night."

"Taylor, stop it. Stay, we can talk mo--" Zac began, only to be cut off.

"No. I don't want to waste more time on this. What's the point, anyway? Oh, what, is God gonna hate me? Is God going to hate you too? Sorry for being different than you. There they are," Taylor said as he spotted his car keys, which sat upon Zac's countertop. He retrieved them and made his way towards the front door.

"Bye," Taylor muttered just before exiting the house. He grumbled all the way to his car. Once there, he pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and let out a loud scream. So loud that, for a second, he feared Zac could hear him.

He didn't waste any more time in pulling his car out of Zac's driveway. He needed to call Hayley. He didn't have anyone else to approach about the issue, and he'd probably turn to her anyway.

"What's up, T?" she asked in an upbeat tone, and Taylor immediately felt bad that he would probably be bringing that happy mood of hers way down. Maybe he needed to start thinking of himself more than he thought of others.

"I hate him," he grumbled, hands tightly wrapped around the steering wheel.

"You don't hate him," Hayley answered, it being obvious who this 'him' was.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I won't bore you with all the details. But I kissed him, and then said sorry because...well, yeah. But then he kissed me again. And then things got heated."

"Ooh, tell me more." Taylor rolled his eyes over his friend's reaction.

"I...you know."

"No, I don't know."

"I gave him head, don't judge me," Taylor said with a blush, a small smile on his lips. It was so weird to him how talking to her could make him as happy as it did. She had that effect, she was that kind of friend.

"Did he return the favor?"

"Hayley."

"I'm serious, T."

"He did not. He offered to, but I didn't want him to feel awkward or forced. So no. But then I asked him where we stood. Where we stood on it. He said he didn't know and that he didn't want to do that again. So I left. He said something about how I could stay and we could talk, but I didn't want to waste more time talking about something like that." Taylor's hands still had a tight hold on the steering wheel as he spoke to Hayley via the car's bluetooth.

"What are you really hoping for, though?"

"I want to be with him, if I'm being honest with you. I really do like him, really. He makes me happy. Or he usually does. Maybe not so much today. I just want things to go back to normal."

"I think you should try to talk to him," Hayley suggested.

He knew that he would have to talk to him about it again. Or else things would become awkward. And there was no way he was about to live a Zac Farro-less life again.