Tapout

Sorry Princess.

Chapter 44

"Thank you for taking me to dinner." Sparky pulled me into his side as we waltzed around the square. There were still Christmas lights hanging and I couldn't help but admire the sights. I will say that I'm a pansy ass now, and I am sure it's his fault. You know, even though I only just met him a week ago I do like him a lot. I like how determined he is, and I don't know if it's just with me or with everything he does.

I like how he looks at me, like I'm the most important thing to him in this world.

I like how he stares into my eyes, because I see everything he's feeling.

I like how he rests his forehead against mine, because he never wants to be far away from me.

I like how he makes me feel.

And I love his kisses.

Over the past week I've actually thought about letting him go. Just tell him I'm fucking sorry and tell him that it's over. Because this hurts him more than he's letting on, he's hurting and it hurts me to know that I caused it. Even though I know that's a consequence of what we used to have. Well he still has it for me, and God do I wish I felt that way about him.

Even though I'm here, even though I'm with him, I know he wants more. He wants me to say I love him, and even though he places me on his shoulder and says 'it's alright' I know it isn't. I feel fucking broken, not just because I can't put my memory back together but my heart does too. God what the shit is going on with me? "What are you thinking about sweetheart?"

"It's nothing."

He gives me the 'quit messing around of course it isn't nothing' look before intertwining our hands. "Come on. Try to keep up."

We start running, "Oh Sparky. I could run laps around you." Last I remember I could run like 5 miles without wanting to die. "Where are we going?"

Lucas doesn't answer he just keeps running, eventually the Christmas lights have faded and we had ran several blocks away. Until the only light is from the street lights and stop lights. Sparky turns to look at me with those incredibly gorgeous eyes. "What?"

"This is where I chased you out in the rain. I parked my truck right there," he gestured towards the middle lane, "You left your door wide open, and so did I. The light had switched from green to red twice while we were talking. Well, while I was talking." He takes my hands and kisses my fingertips. "This is where you chose me. This is where you let it all out. What happened to Farkle, what Felix said to you, where my heart broke because you thought I would ever want to leave you." I can feel my emotions rising to the surface, causing a burning sensation in my throat, and my vision to blur. My eyes keep darting from the road to him.

I want to remember.

I want to feel him like I used to.

I want to look at him the way he looks at me.

"Riley I love you so goddamn much. You have no idea."

"Thanks." Like I need another reminder of how I can't remember shit. I normally would have flipped balls but I do recall writing, 'don't be a bitch'.

He cocked his head to the side knowing the 'you have no idea' comment rubbed me wrong, "Even when you had your memory you had no idea. You always said you wanted to be better for me. That I deserved more."

"You do." I snap staring into his eyes.

"No I don't-"

"YES YOU DO!" My chin starts to tremble and I don't blink. If I do all hell will break loose, hell being my emotions. Lucas just stares at me and I hurt him again. "Lucas I see how you look at me. I can practically feel the love from your lips while we're kissing. No other man I know would ever stay beside me after losing my memory. You have the heart that any girl would die for, and seeing you hurt, knowing that I'm the one fucking causing it, kills me." He just sits there and clenches his jaw and shakes his head from left to right. "Why me?" I whisper. "What'd I do? How did you fall so in love with someone like me? Someone so broken."