Firefly

|Ch. 15|

        

The chilling breeze pierced my face and I bundled under the cozy blankets looking up at the stars. Brian's warm hand gripped mine as I laid there being content with life. Although my world had spiraled into a giant wreck for the past month, tonight I felt alive. I was beginning to heal slowly, or so I assumed.

"So, what do you think of having a huge party next Saturday for Matt's birthday?" Brian asked.

Were you kidding me? All he cared about right now was a party?

Anger boiled inside me as I tried to quietly compose myself on the outside calmly saying, "Yeah, that sounds great."

I squeezed his hand harder and lightly kissed his cheek. Brian looked over at me lovingly and then stared back up at the stars.

"You mean a lot to me, you know that right?" Brian said as he faced towards me.

My eyes tried to fog out Alex's face out of my mind. I was becoming so accustomed to him not being there until something reminded me of him. A smell, a touch, a word. It all appeared so familiar to me and the feeling came rushing back in a wave tonight.

"Yeah," I replied stroking Brian's brown hair.

Why was it that everything Brian said I just couldn't believe? It was as if he was an automated voicemail replaying constantly. Every fiber in me refused to ruin this great moment by calling him out. It was as if everything I mentioned to him went in one ear and out the other.

However, my intuition spoke when I said, "Do you even mean it?"

I internally rolled my eyes as I thought, 'Why did I say that?' I felt like I was constantly trying to fight back my real emotions that I have with Alex. Was I even realizing the hole that I was digging myself right now?

"What is with you lately, Maddie? Tell me truth, the real truth."

I gulped loudly and laid my head back down staring at the stars. My big mouth just had to speak out and I hated myself now for that.

I composed the next words out of my mouth as I leaned up and said, "I don't even know if you really love me, okay? Sure, you can say whatever you want to me. But, that's not real passionate love. It's your actions that show how you really feel towards me and it feels as though everything that comes out of your mouth is rehearsed."

Brian stared at me flabbergasted. His eyes showed how much he was hurt by my comment. But, that was nothing compared to the way he had wounded me throughout our whole relationship. I was done fighting with him. Tired of being confined to just him because our necklaces matched.

"Maybe you should put more thought into the way you think of me because you sure as heck know how you feel about yourself."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Brian asked me as his voice raised.

"You are so self conceited. We sat out here tonight spending time between you and me, and all you can ask me about is a party. A party to make you look great. What about me? Have you ever just dedicated a day to me to whatever I wanted to do?"

"We can spend the day tomorrow dedicated to you if that's what you want Maddie," Brian pleadingly said.

"No. I'm done. Because that's not what you want. You don't want me Brian. Just admit it. The only reason why you are still together with me is because this silly necklace said that we should," I stated holding up my necklace.

"There has to be a reason why we were put together Maddie. Why else would our necklaces match?" Brian questioned.

"I don't care about what this necklace says. We weren't meant to be together. We just don't click Brian. I love you with all my heart and soul, but I just don't think that I'm the right girl for you."

Brian confusingly looked at me. The thing is, I didn't realize that there was any more meaning to love until I met Alex. Brian didn't even know that kind of love that Alex and I cherished more than anything. I had to let Brian go in order for him to find the girl he deserved.

"I don't deserve you. In fact, I never deserved you and the way you treated me," I said in realization.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't expect you to understand. But you soon will, everyone will know. I have to go," I said to him and got up from the blanket.

"Maddie!" Brian shouted.

I ran with the chilly breeze flowing through my lungs. At this moment, I felt free. It was if a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders and I knew the person I was meant to be with forever. 

I heaved running straight towards my car, quickly got in the driver's side turning it on, and following the accustomed path.

My heart was beating outside of my chest as every turn came closer to my destination. I didn't even have a plan in my head. The emotions were taking over my whole body as a rush of excitement traveled through my veins. A surge of redeeming love was escaping my figure as I pulled to off to the side of the familiar road.

My heart instantly sank as I didn't see the habitual red truck waiting for me. I sat there numb feeling like I didn't exist. Right there in that moment, I felt vulnerable. I couldn't go back to Brian, so the only way was to move onward.

I carefully slipped out of my car, briskly walking the recognizable path. Every inch I stepped, I dragged my feet trying to compose myself.

My mind was scattered as I thought about how I didn't plan who I fell in love with, it just happened. When it did, I fell hard and fast. But isn't that the best part of falling in love? My imagination was ringing to the moment Alex promised me we were going to prove them wrong. We were.

I neared the destination as the woods opened up to the tall grassy field. I stared out at the dark abyss as a slight tear escaped from me. Darkness. That was all I saw. No hope. No fireflies. I was just holding on to dear life, hoping that there was still a faint glimmer of light left in Alex. I just desperately wanted to know if he still believed in us.

I know he had moved on but I tried so hard to anxiously hold onto our love. It felt as if everything in me gave away and I sunk to the ground landing hard onto my knees. I tried to come to the comprehension of what my next attempt could be.

"Why? What did I do?" I screamed into the silent night.

My knees were burrowing into the squishing mud as I picked up my glistening necklace into my frail small hands. I rubbed my fingers through it feeling each of the edges that matched Brian's perfectly.

"Why does this thing have to determine who I am with for the rest of my life?" I shouted.

No response. I was losing all hope. These past few days have grown darker and colder because in love with him was even harder. It kept dragging me under and suffocating me. My heart screamed his name but all I received was unbearable stillness. Just as the seasons change, fireflies will come and go, and well he left.

Those realizations pierced me like a knife. I stared at the blankness ahead of me not knowing what awaited me. All I knew was that I had to express my love for Alex to the world. I didn't know what was waiting there for me once I had made this declaration. There was one thing for certain, I loved Alex Porter, and nothing could change that.

I got up off my knees and firmly stood on my feet. I stared at the necklace in my hand that I was gripping even harder. Tears flew from my face as I ripped the necklace off my neck. I stared at the necklace in disbelief as it hung from my fingers. My tears blurred my vision as I began to feel light headed. The earth underneath me was spinning as I tried to regain my consciousness but it felt as if I was in a whirlwind. I could sense my feet giving way as I fell into blackness. 

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ANOTHER PLOT TWIST! The funny thing about this is that I hinted to it in Chapter 1 but none of you guys knew which makes this Chapter even more enjoyable to post. I just wish I could've seen you guys faces when it happened. Anyway, my absolute favorite quote in the whole book is in this chapter and is, "Just as the season change fireflies come and go, and well you left." My heart. The feelings. Anyway, what do you guys think is going to happen to Maddie?