Denial

ch.20

Numb. I just feel numb. After the incident with Harry a week ago I swear that I have not left my room, not even to dance. I hate the fact that what he did to me affected me so much but nobody has ever hit me, nevertheless a man. Overthinking the situation makes me feel worthless, it makes me think over my past and how disappointed I truly am at my own reckless behavior. So I vowed. No men, No love. That's the way it is and that's the way it's going to be. All the people I've let in to bring down my walls and let my guard down have just demolished my energy and trust completely. I can't be the same person I was and I won't be, I want to start fresh. I want people to not be able to recognize me through my own personality. Emily has been upset with me because I won't tell her why I've been like this for a week but I feel so embarrassed and I don't want to relive that night ever. She's been trying to hangout and go out to level out the amount of stress she thinks I'm dealing with, but I just don't want to be in that crowd anymore.

I'm 21, I want to live a life with happiness and freedom for as long as I can for as long as I'm here and if that's without sex or for my crushed love for partying days to be over, then so be it.

As I get up from my bed I check my cellphone to find out that its 11 am & that I've got 3 missed calls from Harry. I don't want to deal with it just yet so I ignore them and sluggishly make my way to the living room. As I get into the living room, I can see a neon yellow sticky note posted on the coffee table next to the sofa.

"I know you haven't been in the best mood lately and you haven't been communicating with me. It scares me Scar. You tell me everything. I don't want you to think that I don't love you but I think you want the space to figure stuff out and that's what I'm doing. Because I love you. I let Harry know so he keeps an extra eye on you. I'm not leaving Miami, but I'll be staying at a nearby hotel. I love you so much Scar, and please call me if you need anything. Xo -Em"

As I finished reading her note, I had run out of tears. I drove her away when in reality I needed her the most. She is right though, I need the space to figure things out and having her around just makes me close myself out more. In situations like these, situations that involve immense emotion, I shut down completely. I just can't do it. I'll call her later to let her know she can come back and that I love her as well, but as for now, I need to get this all sorted out with myself.

Harry Pov.

I don't know what to do. It's been a week and it's driving me insane. Late last night ,Emily had driven over to inform me that she'll be staying at a nearby hotel because Scarlett is completely shutting her out as with everyone else. I just don't get it, Scarlett hasn't been the type , that I know so far, to let herself get so immensely driven with sadness. She seems so cold hearted and carrying an "I don't care" sort of attitude.

Even though I have seen her in a short state of sadness before. But not like this. I need to make this right, now. The past week has sort of shown me that I don't hate her. She's a decent person and the fact that I've caused her so much pain kills me. Adding to the fact that I'd never laid my hands on a women like that ever before in my 22 years on this Earth, scared the shit out of me. Anger has never taken me to that extent before but for some reason with Scarlett, it did.

As I got up off my sofa, to grab my keys I can feel the slight vibration from my pant pocket.

Kendall: Hey, can we talk?

I rolled my eyes and half heartedly responded.

: Sure. I'm sort of busy today, but we can schedule for another day.

Kendall: Oh, okay sounds fine.

I tucked away my phone and jogged to my car. Apologizing has never been my sort of ordeal because I can't really handle emotion very well, but here goes nothing.

As I approach her beach house, her driveway is completely empty and the house seems so dark and lonely. I frown and make my way over. I stay in the car for what seems like hours just staring at the house waiting for some sort of movement to confirm that she's home. Realizing that there will be no confirmation, I slowly make my way over to her door. I peek through her windows to find the house completely empty. Just to try, I fidget with the door knob to find it unlocked, so I knock thinking that she wouldn't leave the door unlocked if she weren't home. It takes 5 minutes before the door slowly creeks open. As the door is slowly opening, I can feel myself hold a breath I didn't even know I was holding until I saw her face, her tired and drained face.

"Yes?"