Denial

ch. 58

Song for this chapter:

Jealous- Labrinth

***
The downpour of rain caresses my cheeks as I hopelessly run out of the building. My sobs become desperate pants for air, the sky redeems itself and light thunder plays in the background. I have nowhere to go, I have nowhere to hide.

He will never love you the way he did before.

The only thoughts coursing through my mind, I curse at my conscious as I vigorously hold my hands to my temples. The voices being my own, the same voices that haunted me during my drug abuse. They're back.

'Stop it, Stop it'

I mumble, the feeling of tears now numb to the droplets of water spilling atop of them. I look up at the darkened sky, holding back the mounts of curses I have towards the universe and everything it provides to hide.

I give in, slightly closing my eyes while focusing on my breathing before I have an attack. I can feel myself slowly fading, the thought of losing him only bringing every sense of panic back to my body.

I rapidly look around for a dry spot and land on the cemetery nearest to the door I had escaped from. I sit, hugging my knees to my chest as I cradle my face between them.

-

"Scarlett! What's wrong?" Perrie asks, her hands catching me as I find myself feeling oozy as I had run out of Harry's room.

"He- he doesn't know who I am" My voice coming out monotone, my eyes don't blink as I look out into nothing, it finally hits me.

"Perrie, he doesn't know who I am. He's familiar with Kendall and Niall, but it's if I were never to have existed in his mind" Perrie gives me an confused frown, looking over my expression.
"This is it. This is the sign, maybe it's for the better. All the pain that came along with, us, it's better off that he doesn't remember" I say, my voice cracking.

"Are you kidding me Scarlett? That boy loves you for gods sake" Her voice coming out a bit too convincing, as if she were trying to convince herself.
"I know it" She whispers, letting go of my shoulders.

"I'm tired. I'm exhausted, of all of this. I can't, I can't seem to make things right. When I do, it all comes tumbling down. I can't be happy. I can't stay sane" I mumble, walking over to the exit of the waiting room.
"I can't, need him"

-

What was I thinking? He was all I wanted, he was all that made me feel like a real person. He made my existence worth while and now that he doesn't remember, it's all thrown out. Like us never happened.

"He'll remember"

Niall's voice breaking me from my sorrow trance, his figure kneeling down beside me as I eye his movements. He tilts his head as he notices a light tear spilling from my left eye.

"I've seen plenty recover forgotten memories. Harry, he seems to remember everything from last year, this year is what seems to be nothing but a blur to him. Although it may seem impossible, he will remember you"