Denial

ch. 38

{The image above is of  Queen Elizabeth}

"How could this have been done without my consent?!" I practically yell with all the breath and rage I had left in me as my mother shrugs the extremity of the situation away.

"Darling, it had to be done. Whether or not you approved" She says as if it's all okay. The rage is overwhelming as all the words that come flying out of her mouth seem unreasonable and totally unfair.

"Bullshit! How could you?! You know dad wouldn't have wanted this yet you go against all of his morals!" I yelp as I'm now a sobbing puddle on her velvet carpet floors.

"Scarlett I'm not discussing this any further. You have to grow up and realize that I'll always have the upper authority" She murmurs without any emotion or reaction to my breakdown. My anxiety and depression now getting the best of me, and the one time I need my mother there for me, is the time I feel as if I'm just a burden she has to deal with. As if I have no feeling. I scoff in disgust looking at her casually suiting in her large chair whilst looking down at paperwork, like she always does.

I feel myself run out as fast as I could, I felt as if the walls in that room were going to crush me. The pins and needles I had felt all over my body, now just left me numb. I ran towards my room pushing and throwing things out of my way as I tried making my way into the hidden room. I needed an escape, the only thing keeping me sane in this exact moment is the knowledge of the drugs I had stocked before I left to Miami.

I take out the baggie full of cocaine, weed, and in many extreme situations, heroine. I wasn't proud of my usage of these deadly drugs, but it seems to be the only way I didn't feel anything but relief. Relief from this hectic and unrealistic life I seemed to lead on in the public eye.

"Scarlett, don't do this" A voice, right now feeling unfamiliar, warns as I'm aligning the white powder on the bar counter. I turn around, shocked that anyone had even found this room; I know Harry knows of this room but not even Regina has seemed to notice it.

"Go away Harry. I don't need you seeing me like this, and I definitely don't need your sympathy. Just let me be" I mutter out as I try recollecting the substance to move locations away from his suffocating aura.

"Stop doing this, your just destroying yourself. Your so disruptive towards your own body, this can all take a turn for the worse without you knowing it" He warns further, pressuring his steps towards me out stretching his hands for me to give him the baggie.

"Don't you get that I don't care! Neither should you, I seem to be a burden to everyone so it might as well just happen" I say tears spilling, without me thinking everything becomes annoyingly dizzy.

"Look at you Scar, your talking nonsense. Just give me that bag, and let's just talk this out okay? Please just hand me that bag!" He yells now, clearly impatient with this and with me as he's eyeing the bag as if it were a deadly weapon.

"Just get back to Kendall. Stop worrying about me, you don't have to act in the castle. I'm fully aware that this isn't what you want" I sigh slumping back into the velvet chair in the corner of the room. I give up. I give up on absolutely everything, I tried to better myself but this is all I get in return.

"Maybe this isn't what I want. That doesn't take away from the fact that I care about you, you don't see me drowning my sorrows in alcohol and drugs that can lead to a catastrophic situation we can just avoid. I'm fully aware of the happenings in your life and I'm sorry that those things had to happen to you, but in reality this stuff is occurring for a reason. Your only proving to be weak. That isn't a trait fit for a Queen is it?" He says kneeling down infront of me, trying to get me to look at him. I close my eyes and sigh, why is he being so good to me?

"Get out" I sigh, still screwing my eyes shut. I just need to be alone, I appreciate his well intentions but I've always been used to being alone during my breakdowns.

"Hand me the bag" He mutters, his voice laced in annoyance. I comply trying to get rid of this situation, and him.

"Think of your father" He mumbles inaudibly, clearly disappointed. My jaw hangs as I'm left looking at the now empty doorway, knowing he's completely right. My father would've wanted me to stick this out with my head held high, even though this wouldn't have been what either of us wanted. I sob, curling my knees up under my chin cradling myself back and forth in the large chair I was currently in. I could feel the year stain my pink sold robe, but I wouldn't care less at this point. The occurrences that happened only hours ago, left me in complete shock. I just can't seem to understand the reasoning behind choosing a suitor, let a lone Harry, before politely consulting me before hand. I know that I would've objected the situation, but I'd do what I had to do.

I feel my silk robe vibrate, frowning unknowingly at the strange feeling before pulling out my phone. Emily. I sigh, she hadn't gone to the Ball last night and honestly I'm glad she didn't, she would've made a scene and gone completely ballistic on my mother if she ere there to witness such a thing.

"Hey Em" I croak out, wiping away the dry tears from my bare face.

"Scar, are you okay? Have you been crying? I'm on my way okay?" Hearing here voice laced in such worry only brings the tears back as I choke out into an unstoppable sob.

"Stay where you are, I'll be there in 5. Please, don't do anything stupid Scar" She coos sympathetically before hanging up. I stand up and clean up my mess before exiting the hidden room and let the bookshelf slowly slide back into place. As I'm still facing the bookshelf, wiping away vigorously at my stained cheeks; I hear a creak from my floor boards and I swiftly turn around, seeing him lean perfectly against the bed stand.