Denial

ch.39

"Hey, hey I'm here. Sorry it took so long it's just-" I jump into Ems' arms as she's walking in through the castle doors explaining to me about how she took over than 5 minutes to get to me, but I just needed her here and someone familiar to hug me.

"I don't know if I can do this Em" I whisper through sobs as I'm still hugging her tightly.

"Oh scar, I hate seeing you like this you know? I heard about what happened and I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't there to help you. I know exactly that this isn't what you want but it's a life you were born to live, and unfortunately you didn't have enough time to find someone you are actually in love with" She comforts as she grabs ahold of my shoulders, prying me off of her. I have to tell Em how I feel, or I will completely loose it.

"That's the thing Em, I honestly don't know whether or not I'm in love with him" I mutter lowly, stepping back and looking down at the pebble floor. Silence, that's all that's coming from Em and I don't know if I should be scared or relieved because she's not going off on me about how I hadn't told her sooner.

"It's quite simple Scar, you either like him or not. And if your seriously debating and beating yourself up about it then you really do. You wouldn't waste your time stressing yourself out over someone you don't see yourself with" She says, leading us towards what I assume is my bedroom. She has a point though, I spend so much time trying to hate Harry that I don't stop to realize my own feelings. I live in this world where I'm in denial of everything around me, my life, the people in it, and the way I'm supposed to live. I'm this indecisive, and very much denial girl who thinks everything will resolve itself when in reality I have to take charge. I'm just upset that it took me this long to fucking figure this out, right after a situation as this happens.

"Em, he has Kendall. And he's in love with her don't you get it? Whether or not I like him won't make a difference because clearly, I do. It took me this long to realize it and now he's with someone else. Someone beautiful, bright, and very much like him. Me and Harry are total opposites, it can never happen" I state sternly trying to get my point across. Em walks over towards my nightstand and grabs a picture frame with a picture of my dad in it, I'm about to scold her for picking it up because it's the only picture my mother has ever provided me with but I'm surprisingly cut off,

"You and your dad look so much alike you know? I always stood in awe at the similarities between your guys' features" She says with a giggle, looking down at the picture then back up at me multiple times. I stand there dumbfounded, I just accepted to her that I'm actually in love with Harry and she bring my father in out of the blue?

"So similar, even your guys' personalities were and still are the same. Both of you were strong, yet sensitive and fragile from the inside. He devoted his time and soul to you Scar, and he even treated me as his own which I will forever be grateful for. But he wouldn't want to see you like this, especially not over a mistake your mother made that she'll later regret because she destroyed you. In some odd way though, it might well be an eye opener for you." She mumbles the last sentence setting the picture frame back down in its original position on the nightstand.

"What are you-?" I start to ask, because she's honestly got me lost.

"Scar, you just admitted you liked Harry right? If your mother wouldn't have made that split decision, you would've still be in denial and acting like you hate each other." She says, getting closer to me and taking a breath before continuing,
"Look scar you might hate me, but I know exactly every detail that's happened between you and Harry. I know Harry better than anyone actually, he and I were best friends since kindergarten and when I found out he was working for you; I was a bit excited. That was until I realized the real reason he came back, I don't want to start something that has nothing to do with me,just please talk to him before getting angry or upset" Em starts recollecting her purse from my bed and shaking it onto her shoulder, clearly making her way out. Wait, the 'real' reason why he came? He always said he needed this job, but I never asked questions as to why and I never cared to be completely honest.

"Em but-" I start.

"Just listen to him, okay? And come to me after you know everything. I love you Scar" She cuts off, coming to me before planting a kiss on my head before elegantly making her way out.

Im left completely confused, should I be angry? Sad? Dumbfounded? Everything is coming at me in lightning speed and it's all getting too much. I feel such a weight on me, and I honestly don't think I have the energy to argue with anyone, Harry is no exception.

******

After about an hour of cooling off and listening to music in bed, I finally decide to talk to Harry. I've thought it through clearly, and I think I need to listen to this story about how and why he's really here. I'm not sure I'll be happy with the answer, but I'm sure I can deal with it.

I get up, check myself in my mirror gently brushing out the tight knots that have appeared from laying in bed for so long. Then I straighten out my nightgown that I had previously put on before I lay down, and put on my pink silk robe. My bare face showing clear indication of stress and no amount of sleep, yet I don't care at this point.

I make my way out, looking both ways to see the hall completely empty and quiet then I slide out between my door and slowly close my door. I'm stood in front of his door and about to just walk in until I'm taken back by the sudden memory of what happened the last time I intruded instead of knocked or made my presence known.

I knock twice lightly on the talk wooden door, hoping that maybe he went out and I hadn't known, but my hopes die down as I hear light footsteps making their way to the door, and a sudden jiggle of the doorknob filling the empty hall.

"I need to talk to yo-" I start to ramble on but I'm soon cut off and my eyes go wide as I bite my tongue. Shit.