Denial

ch. 61

'All the pain endured will come into light. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or just plain ignore, is up to your own fate'

-

Maybe this is how it was all destined to be. The person I was was my preparation for what was to come, when Harry made his role in my life apparent.

The light thuds my high top heels ring apprehensively throughout the empty aisles of the church. I slightly mumble at the loud noise as I remind myself to wear flats next time. This wasn't, comfortable for me really; In any way.

I think I've completed and accomplished sins enough for a small village. I wasn't here for forgiveness, I wasn't here for much about me really. I knew, deep down that I had somehow gotten myself out of the bottomless pit I was stuck in.

I was here for validation.

Harry.

"Is there anything in particular, that you may need my child?"

Pastor Micheal approaches my slumped body that has made its way to the first aisle of benches. The light rays of sunlight surpass the beautiful decor on the vast windows that took up most of the wall in complete. I always admired this sanctuary, I really did. I just never felt myself worthy to set foot in such a pure place, whilst I was a walking sin.

"How does one overcome? How does one make believe that everything will be alright long enough for it to actually happen?" I ask, fighting any sort of urge to cry in front of the pastor. I hadn't realized my push for answers, nor advice.

"This is not make believe child. This is the world we live in, the world that we were handed with in grace; The world we abuse with hatred and discrimination. The 'make believe' you speak of, is all in your head. That's the one thing you shall always remember. Your fears, doubts, are all a figure of your imagination" He explains, the bright blue in his eyes seem to further captivate my attention as he speaks so wisely. Duh, he's a pastor.

"'All the pain endured will come into light. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or just plain ignore, is up to your own fate"

I frown at the relevancy, the knowledge he seemed to have without knowing my situation was astounding.

I kept my silence, intaking what he had just said as I keep my gaze to the lit up altar. The altar I was supposed to walk too, the altar I would say my 'I Do's on for the first time with the person I would later find out is the light of my life.

"It'll be alright my child, it always will be"

And with a small pat to my knee, he stood up and gracefully made his way down the aisle towards the door in the back.

I pray that it will.

-

"I had already told you darling, Regina has been away for over a week. She said she hadn't found a reason to stay if you were no longer around, she seemed a bit down for a long time" Mother informs me whilst I keep my place leaning against her office corridors. I cross my arms across my chest, I felt terrible. But, I had no idea if this was just another way for Mother to get me to return.