The Planet of Retarded Possums And Other Majestic Shit

New Friends

Steve had spent thirteen hours sharing a jail cell with Shane. Through these thirteen hours, Steve had learned three things; 1. That Shane likes violence, 2. His partner in crime is missing, and 3. Sometimes he get's really high and thinks he's a possum. Whereas normally Steve would be completely chill with this, he was slightly worried because he'd never met a human before. At least not one like Shane.

"So who's your partner in crime?" asked Steve.

"That would be Smol Bean, aka Kate," Shane replied, "we got split up and then I got arrested".

"Aren't you worried about your partner my dude?" Steve said, hoping conversation would keep Shane from eating him.

"Nah, Bean knows her shit, and when she doesn't she always freaks and then gets arrested. She'll probably be thrown in here any minute now and we'll just meet back up."

At that exact moment, the police rushed in with a small feisty looking human  dressed in a fuzzy bear hat and pajamas. The small human was squealing and putting up a fight, and sixteen other officers rushed in to restrain her.

"Speak of the devil," Shane said, "It's Bean". Steve glanced over. "Aww she's so smol and cute," he commented. Shane started laughing, quite a lot. "What is it, was it something I said?" Steve asked as he heard Smol Bean launching a desk at two officers in the background. "Bean is anything but cute. Smol maybe, but she's probably one of the more unstable people I know," Shane replied. He tilted his head in Bean's direction. Bean had taken someone hostage.

"I need to speak to whoever runs this motherfucking establishment and if I don't get someone up here talking to me in twenty fuckin minutes you can bet your sorry low paid asses I will light up this place like a fucking Christmas tree!" yelled Bean. One officer raised his hand, "Uh ma'am, we're possums, we don't celebrate Christma- Bean immediately shot at the officer. "What in the fuck kind of world is this where no one celebrates Christmas!? You know! Being good for Santa Claus, peace on earth and good will to all men??" She yelled more.

"Bean give it a fucking rest," Shane said from the cell. Bean looked over and her eyes lit up. "Shane-chan!" <(^-^<) X3!! <3 *insert anime music*

Shane sighed heavily and muttered something under his breath as Bean rushed over to hug him. "I missed you!" Bean squealed, hugging Shane before finally judo throwing him onto the ground. "Fuckin bitch ass motherfucker getting arrested and leaving me to fend for myself. Fuck you."

"Love you too Bean," Shane replied as he went back to his nest of newspapers. It took Steve a moment to realize Bean was small enough to slip through the jail cell bars. "Hi there," Bean said. "Hi," said Steve, worried that one wrong move might indicate his death. He looked over at Shane, who was praying to Satan in the corner. There was no helping Steve. Bean jumped next to Steve. "So what are you in here for?"

"I didn't follow the safety guidelines"

"Rookie mistake, Shane here killed someone and I set a bank on fire."

Steve had never wanted or needed a drink so badly in his life.