The Planet of Retarded Possums And Other Majestic Shit

The Void of Untold Horrors And Bad Ideas

"So exactly what is the void?" asked Steve after the short period of dramatic music had ended. "The Void of Untold Horrors And Bad Ideas is a horrible place. This was a simple game of hide and seek you see. Look over there, that's Laura behind the couch," The Grim reaper said, motioning towards the fluffy tail sticking out from some pillows. "And that's Larry hiding under your fridge," Steve glanced over and saw a large raccoon stuck halfway under his refrigerator.

"But The Frenchiest Fry.jpeg, he has hidden in the void. He will never be found"

"Where exactly is the void," Steve asked uncomfortably. "Isn't it obvious?" the Grim Reaper said, "It's in your laundry basket".

Ah yes dear reader, while you may be confused, this would actually explain quite a lot. It would explain why the obese raccoon disappeared without a trace. It would explain where all your socks go, and why you can't find your favorite shirt. You think it was merely "lost". But in reality, it has been sucked into the void, never to return.

"So what does this mean?" Steve asked worriedly. "We must remove the void from your laundry basket," the Grim Reaper replied. Suddenly a large group of raccoons in hazmat suits barged through Steve's door, carrying all kinds of machinery.

"What's with all these raccoons in hazmat suits...and why are they touching my stuff?!" Steve yelled. "Sir we gotta check that everything is up to code. For example that ceiling fan right there," a raccoon in one hazmat suit motioned up, "is in direct violation of code 567 in section 34 of the Space Time Continuum And Other Theoretical Anomaly Incident Handling Guide, it is at risk of becoming a black hole at any moment."

"And that gold plated fish tank right there, we need to check that for any wormholes. Don't you know ANY safety measures in protecting your home from anomalies in the space time continuum??" the raccoon continued. "We are going to have to clean this entire home out, it's a virtual new dimension hot spot. You should really learn your codes," he said matter-of-factly.

Within twenty minutes, half of Steve's house had been removed and placed in the "Void Removal Trucks" for cleaning, and Steve's yard had been quarantined. Dave's body stayed in the pool cause nobody gave a shit and also the hazmat team had black holes to remove. They had no time to clean up dead bodies.

Steve had also been give all 16 volumes of "The Space Time Continuum And Other Theoretical Anomaly Incident Handling Guide" to memorize cause he was an irresponsible little shit for not being safe and risking the lives of his roommates (even though Nicholas Cage was busy passed out on the garage floor due to an unnoticed carbon monoxide leak and Dave was already beginning to decompose so nobody really cared to begin with).

"So I have to memorize all of these?" Steve sighed. "Yes," replied Hazmat Raccoon, "Otherwise you will be forced to go to jail."

"Jail?! I can't go to jail, I'm an opossum!"

"The law excludes no one son."